AN Iraqi woman, Hanan Ahmad, from Baghdad wrote to me recently: “Let me tell you my opinion of the Arab male. He is selfish, conceited and domineering. You may be surprised that I should complain about men to another man but you are one of the rare ones I respect.
“The normal chauvinistic Arab male cannot stand the sight of an educated woman. He abhors talented women. His goal is to arrive at the height of success and excellence with women remaining far behind, cleaning his house with a home-made broom. He is interested in nothing but food, marriage and sleep.
“All Arab males are haughty and vain. This is an acknowledged fact. One poet’s description of an ear of corn with defective seeds and chaff perfectly describes our arrogant men with their noses in the air. The poet wrote: ‘An ear with full seeds is weighed down. An ear stands erect if there is nothing inside the seeds.’ The Arab male who is totally empty inside is like the ear with empty seeds. He wants to shout down and stifle women. He wants to climb to the top, leaving behind the woman who also wants to climb there. When the time comes to marry, even a university graduate seeks a far younger and uneducated girl who cannot even distinguish the street where she lives from another. Some of these men order their pregnant wives to give birth to boys only as though it is within the woman’s power to determine the sex of the unborn child. If the baby happens to be a girl, the wife will be beaten to a pulp on the second or third day after the delivery. Haven’t you read of men divorcing their wives and marrying others because of the failure to produce a boy? The fountain of mercy dried up long ago in these arrogant, domineering and unjust men.
“Do you have any idea of the state in which we women are living? I am sure you don’t. Even if you knew, it would be impossible for you to imagine the depth of humiliation a woman has been pushed into. A young woman, the pampered darling of her parents and brothers, comes to a husband who subdues and humiliates her until her sparkling personality fades into gloominess and frustration. Why are women subjected to such cruelties? To be eternally bound to a man to have children and live like a slave in his house? No to man. No to marriage.” She concluded the letter with a request to publish it “in such a way that it screams at every unfair male.”
Madam Hanan, I don’t understand the male violence you refer to in your letter. Don’t you possess even a little of the quality your name suggests? (The name “Hanan” means kindness or tenderness.)
The Arab male you speak about is almost extinct. He survives only in movies and serials, which depict a life that no longer exists. Even if such people are found nowadays, they cannot last long with such behavior. Women are achieving more and more every day, though admittedly social progress is rather slow. Women’s progress has reached such levels in some countries that men are compelled to struggle for the return of some basic rights that have been taken away by women. The same will happen here if you remain patient for a while.
***
CAN a young man and woman separated by thousands of kilometers of ocean learn to love each other through letters? Is it possible for this love to be nourished and strengthened for 20 years without the two of them ever seeing each other, looking into each other’s eyes or embracing? Yes, it is possible as this story tells us. The heroine of this story is Helen who lived in a small Manhattan apartment and worked as a writer. Frank is the hero who worked in a London shop famous for its rare books. The correspondence between them began with a request from Helen for some books to be sent to her by mail. She was a voracious reader, particularly of good literature. She fell into the habit of writing to Frank for more books. In her letters, she made comments and expressed her opinions of the books she read. In the beginning, Frank replied in a very formal way but as their letters increased, he found that he often agreed with her. As the months and years passed, they wrote of many other things in addition to books and authors. The link between the two people who had never met, grew into love and became stronger. Each found in the other a twin soul that shared both happiness and sorrows. They grew so concerned about each other that one could not imagine a day without receiving a letter from the other.
The correspondence between Frank and Helen continued uninterrupted for over 20 years until Frank finally married. This made no change in their relationship and the love between them was never spoiled by marriage and the problems springing from it.
This true story of platonic love prompted a friend of Helen’s to write the story and the book, published in both the United States and Britain, was a great success. Geographical distance and other physical circumstances cannot stand in the way of real love. But like other good things, real love is hard to find.