It has been a tradition in Arab society, over many centuries, to call a person as the father of his own eldest son. Similarly, women are called as mothers of their sons. The two forms start with Abu (i.e. father of) or Umm (i.e. mother of). This is called kunyah in Arabic, and it signifies respect. If we are addressing a person who is older than us, or in a higher position, or one who enjoys some sort of distinguished standing, in any group or community, it is better and more respectable to call him by his kunyah. The same applies to women.
We mentioned last week that the Prophet encouraged his companions and all Muslims to give their children the names of the prophets, including his own name. However, he makes it clear that we are not to use his other appellation, or kunyah. He was known as Abu Al-Qassim, after his own eldest son who died in infancy. There are several Hadiths confirming this. One of them is that reported by Jabir, a companion of the Prophet who belonged to the Ansar, or the Muslims of Madinah who supported the Prophet and provided him with a home and protection in their city. Jabir says: “A man from among us had a son, and he called him Al-Qassim. The Ansar said to him, ‘We will not call you Abu Al-Qassim, and we will deny you this pleasure.’ He went to the Prophet to complain. The Prophet said: ‘The Ansar have done well. Give your sons my name but do not give yourselves my appellation, or kunyah. It is I who is a Qassim’.” (Related by Al-Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Dawood, Al-Tirmithi and Ibn Majah). It is also reported that when the man complained to the Prophet, the Prophet gave the man’s son a name which would give the father a pleasant appellation, or kunyah.
It is clear from this Hadith and several others with the same import that the appellation Abu Al-Qassim was the distinctive kunyah of the Prophet which was not to be shared with anyone else. It is particularly important to note that one of these Hadiths makes it clear that we are not to combine the Prophet’s name and kunyah in any case. This means that a person named Muhammad must not call himself Abu Al-Qassim. Abu Hurayrah reports: “God’s messenger has ordered that his name and kunyah should not be combined by any person. He said, ‘I am Abu Al-Qassim. God gives and I share out (His gift among people)’. “(Related by Al-Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad and Al-Tirmithi).
The question arises whether it is forbidden for anyone to be called, Abu Al-Qassim. The answer is that there is no strict prohibition. Although the Hadith just quoted and several ones of similar import make it clear that this is an appellation belonging only to the Prophet, we have a Hadith which quotes the Prophet as saying, “Whoever has my name should not call himself by my kunyah, and whoever has my kunyah should not give himself my name.” (Related by Ahmad, Abu Dawood and Al-Tirmithi). Since it is customary to use the traditional appellation, or kunyah, in Arab countries, it is observed that people give anyone called Muhammad a kunyah which uses a corruption of the name Qassim. Thus he would be called Abu Jassim in some Arab countries, and Abu Gassim in others.
It should also be pointed out that the Arabs at the Prophet’s time used to give their children, or at least some of them, a kunyah, which would be in this case a form of endearment. In fact this is still the case in several Arab countries. Anas ibn Malik was a servant of the Prophet and he reported a large number of Hadiths. He reports: “The Prophet used to visit us. I had a young brother whose appellation was Abu Umayr. He had a small bird for a pet, but his bird died. The Prophet visited us shortly after that and he noticed that my brother was sad. He inquired what was the cause of his sadness. When we told him about the bird, he said to my brother, “Abu Umayr! What happened to the little bird?” (Related by Al-Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad).
We commented on this Hadith in the past when we discussed the Prophet’s kindness to children, but we are mentioning it here only for its relevance to the point under discussion, showing that the Prophet used to call a young child by his appellation, or kunyah, although the child would not be old enough to have a son.
The Arabs might also give a kunyah to a man or a woman who is childless. Al-Bukhari relates in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad two reports that mention that Abdullah ibn Massoud, a learned companion of the Prophet, called his servant and disciple Alqamah by the appellation Abu Shibl before he had a child. Abdullah himself was called Abu Abd Al-Rahman by the Prophet before he had any children. The Prophet also gave his companion Suhayb the appellation Abu Yahya, and he was known by this kunyah for the rest of his life, although he never had a son.
Similarly, the Prophet gave his wives who had no children appellations or kunyah. Aishah reports: “I said to the Prophet, ‘You have given a kunyah to some of your wives. Give me a kunyah.’ He said, ‘Give yourself an appellation after your nephew Abdullah’.” Another version of this Hadith mentions that Aishah said: “Prophet, would you like to give me a kunyah?” He said, “Give yourself an appellation after your son.” The Prophet was referring to her nephew Abdullah ibn Al-Zubayr. Both these Hadiths are related by Al-Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad and Abu Dawood. Aishah was since known as Umm Abdullah, although she remained childless. It is to be remembered that her nephew was the son of her sister Asma’ by her husband Al-Zubayr ibn Al-Awwam.
A kunyah may be given to someone for a particular reason or situation, which has nothing to do with his children. Thus, he would be called as the father of something or some situation. Al-Bukhari relates in his Sahih, on the authority of Sahl ibn Saad: “The name Ali loved most was his appellation Abu Turab. He was pleased when he was called by it. It was an appellation given to him by the Prophet. One day, he (i.e. Ali) was angry with Fatimah (his wife and the Prophet’s daughter). He left home and sat reclining against the wall in the mosque. The Prophet followed him and was told that he was reclining against the wall. The Prophet went to him and found his back covered with dust. The Prophet began to remove the dust off his back and said to him, “Sit up, Abu Turab!”
Turab means dust. Thus, the Prophet called his son-in-law, who was also his own cousin, by this name in a friendly way, to ease the tension between Ali and his wife. His friendliness took all the tension away. Ali loved to be called by this name because when it was used, it showed that the Prophet was not angry with him on account of his having an argument with his wife, the Prophet’s daughter. It thus expressed that Ali himself had a close position to the Prophet. This is why he loved to be called Abu Turab.