A reader recently sought my advice on how she should answer embarrassing questions about her dealings with men before marriage. “I want a clear answer to this confusing question about a woman’s silly carrying-on with young men in the past,” she wrote. “What I am talking about are the most innocent relations — mainly telephone conversations with boys of my age.”
The answer to the question, however, is vital as the future of her married life and happiness depends on the answer she gives to her fiance or husband when he asks her bluntly: “Now let’s not beat around the bush. Please tell me all about your past. Have you ever had any sort of emotional relations with a man? Have you ever talked to a young man before?” A number of such embarrassing questions follows.
“The woman may deny emphatically that she has ever had any kind of relations with a man. She may swear that she has never looked at a young man. But what if the husband asks her to swear on the Holy Qur’an? Should she make a false oath in order to keep her married life from falling apart or should she tell the truth and wreck everything? You know how jealous and narrow-minded most men in the Gulf are when it comes to matters related to their wives. Considering male sensitivity, what should a young woman do in such a situation? Please help me. I want your reply published in your regular column as this is not a problem faced by one or two women but is nearly universal.
“Women are no longer confined within the four walls of their parents’ homes as was the case in the past. After telephones, particularly cell phones, became popular and Internet services became easily available, women have been freer than before.”
The woman concluded her letter with a request to know if a husband or fiance had the right to demand from his wife an explanation about her conduct before their marriage.
The issue raised in the letter is very crucial to a woman’s life. I have discussed this topic more than once and let me repeat my views considering how serious it is. In my opinion, the moment a woman becomes engaged or married, she should cease all relations, no matter how insignificant. A husband has no right to make his wife or fiancee swear in the name of God. His insistence on that means he does not trust her and how can two people begin a life-long relationship without mutual trust? She should demand that he trust her and should insist on this. We all know that people in the Middle East will not forgive such matters. Even such things as a quick glance can rock a marriage. I am speaking on the basis of my own experience as well as information gathered from the thousands of letters I receive from my readers.