Q. In a flight of anger, a man divorced his wife more than once. When he cooled down he asked his two daughters, aged 11 and 12, as well as another woman who were all present, about the number of divorces he uttered, but they could not agree. One said that it was once only, another said twice, while the third was unsure whether it was two or three times. Is this divorce valid? And how many times does it count?

H.M. Yunus • Pakistan

A. It is a very foolish thing for a man to let his anger take control of his senses, and destroy his marital life. Divorce is neither a method of punishment nor a tool to correct one’s wife’s behavior. It is a remedy to end an unhappy marriage in order to allow the two parties to seek a better life with different spouses. If there is a problem between man and wife, they should seek a solution for that problem in a way that respects the rights and needs of both of them.

The man says that he was in a flight of anger at the time when he divorced his wife. What is interesting here is that he needed to confirm this with those who were present. He should ask himself whether he was aware that he divorced his wife as he was shouting at her. If the case was such that he really did not remember what he said to his wife as he gave vent to his anger, then no divorce had taken place. This is a case of blind anger when a man loses control of himself. As such, his words and actions are considered ineffective. The Prophet is quoted to have said: “No divorce ... takes place when the mind is closed up.” Most scholars understand this as meaning closed up by extreme anger.

We need to differentiate here between such a case and one of heated anger in which the man is aware of what he is doing. He remains in control of himself, although he is not properly considering what he is saying. In this latter case, his actions, including divorce, are valid even though he is in anger. In the other situation, his anger gets grip of him to the extent that he is unaware of what he says or does.

Assuming that the man in this case was aware of what he said, the number of times he pronounced the word of divorce does not count, because it was all at the same time. When the Prophet was told by a man that he divorced his wife three times at once, he was very angry. He addressed his companions saying: “Is God’s book to be trifled with when I am still alive among you?” He told the man to treat it as one divorce. This means that a divorce pronounced three times together is forbidden and incurs God’s displeasure, but it counts as one divorce. Thus the marriage can be reinstated if this divorce is the first or the second between the couple. In this particular case, I suspect that this was the first time, and as such, a remarriage is possible, without a new contract if it is done within the waiting period, or with a new contract after the waiting period.

No Job for a Husband

Q. As a woman was coming down the stairs she fell and sprained her ankle. Her husband rushed to her help, and began to massage her foot with hot water. At this point, his sister came in. She immediately began to tell her sister-in-law off for letting her husband touch her foot, saying that this cannot be approved by Islam. Is this true?

M.A. Kadri • Alkhobar

A. I am baffled by the attitude of the man’s sister. Did she want him not to help his wife after she had sustained this injury? If so, on what basis? Is it wrong for a man to massage his wife’s foot because he has to bend in order to reach it? I want to ask this woman: would it have been all right for the man to massage his wife’s shoulder, if the injury was there? If so, what is the difference between shoulder and ankle?

The man did the right thing as he rushed to help his wife. Had he not done so, he would have failed in his Islamic duty, as well as in his duty as a husband. Had he left his wife unattended, he would have incurred God’s displeasure as he would have been guilty of an inhumane attitude. As a husband, he is responsible to look after his wife. To think otherwise is simply un-Islamic.

Arab News Islam 4 July 2003