Q. I am interested in marrying a girl whom I have known since childhood. My family is in full agreement with my choice. I know that she is also willing to marry me. She is well educated and mature. However, her parents are unwilling to accept my proposal because they want her to marry someone who could settle in the US. Is it permissible for her to marry without her parents’ consent?
M. Qazi
A. In an authentic Hadith, the Prophet is quoted as saying: “No marriage can be done without the presence of the (woman’s) guardian and two witnesses. Anything else is invalid, invalid, invalid.” It is well known that if the woman’s father is present, no one else can be her guardian. On the basis of this Hadith, the Maliki, Shafie and Hanbali schools of fiqh agree that a woman cannot act for herself in her marriage contract. She has to be represented by her father or guardian, who acts for her on the basis of her choice. In other words, he may not force her into a marriage of his choosing. She must be fully in agreement. The Hanafi school of fiqh takes a different line and considers it permissible for a woman to act for herself in her marriage. This view is based on equally valid evidence.
Having said that, I wish to add that Islam looks at marriage in a very serious way, considering it the basis of establishing a family. It is an association between a couple and two families. Hence, the emphasis Islam places on the family aspect of it. If either partner enters into a marriage relationship against the wishes of his or her parents, problems are likely to arise. Therefore, the reader is strongly recommended to try to seek a change of heart in the family of the lady he wishes to marry.
It must be said that, in this case, the woman’s family should not give such importance to the material aspect of settling in the US. They should look for a marriage that is likely to give their daughter a happy life. This depends on the man they accept and his personality and character. If he is God-fearing, kind and considerate, she is likely to be happy with him. This is far more important than any material gains she stands to get through a different marriage, if the man does not have similar qualities.