On Thursday Rania Al-Baz appeared on TV once again. It was such an event that people stayed at home to watch in motion the actual face they saw in the newspapers. Throughout the interview, Rania sounded intelligent and educated. Her words drew many comments from people. Some were shocked at the affectionate way she spoke of her husband; others felt her arguments indicated low self-esteem.
Without judging the woman, we must look closely at what she said and what it reflects about Saudi Arabia and its society. When asked by the rather sarcastic interviewer why she had allowed herself to be beaten previously, she answered, “That is our society, and lots of women are beaten by their husbands and they endure it as a reality.” This statement cast a dim and unflattering light on an unmentioned aspect of married life in our society.
A friend made what was to me another shocking observation: “If all the women who were beaten by their husbands sought a divorce, the result would be a huge number of broken homes.” Sad and frustrating as this might be, it is a fact that we and our society need to admit and address.
During the TV interview, Rania said she had discovered that as a young boy her husband had been convicted of assaulting his brother-in-law. The interviewer asked why this had not stopped her from marrying him. Her answer was again an indictment of our society, “I found out after we were married. This is Saudi society; you don’t get to know your partner until after marriage.”
For her, then, it became a case of following tradition coupled with a fear of being a divorced woman in a society that does not accept divorcees and looks down on them. Because of that fact, Rania had to bear what, in any civilized society, would be unbearable.
What makes us women accept such a life, especially when it contradicts the basic rules of our religion? If we read the life of our Prophet (pbuh), we know that he never beat another human being. He was unfailingly kind and gentle in dealing with people. In fact, with his last words, he asked people to take good care of women and to treat them kindly.
But we today have moved far from the teachings of our Prophet (pbuh). In our society boys and girls are made to recognize the differences from the day they are born. In the family, a girl is taught to think of her brother as superior, as one with more rights. He is allowed to scream at her and, in some families, hit her simply because he is male. He may, even if he is younger than his sister, restrict her movements. He often acts as her chaperone when she goes out, and the usual line families take is that he is a male and has to learn to perform the “duties of manhood.”
Unfortunately, nobody thinks of teaching those boys and girls that the duties of manhood have nothing to do with oppression but rather with caring and protecting and that respect between siblings is very important indeed.
Growing up under these social conditions, the girl learns that her sole purpose is to marry. She is expected to dedicate her whole life to being what society believes is the desirable female. Normally, she marries someone she barely knows.
Things vary from family to family but in most cases, men and women do not get a chance to learn anything about each other before marriage. And once they are married, they are expected to carry on. If the couple is lucky and gets along well, then that is a success. If there are differences, and even as in Rania’s case physical abuse, there is only one way out and that is divorce, which leads to society’s disapproval of the woman.
If the woman divorces, she still has to face life in which a male — father, brother or second husband — takes care of her and in effect controls her. In either case, a woman has no choice in the matter unless she comes from an understanding family that will support her. The many Ranias of Saudi Arabia have little choice but to accept oppression and their role as helpless victims.
