I owe all those who wrote to me asking about my absence these past few weeks an explanation. Unfortunately, I can’t give it here since the self-imposed censor of this paper is ever ready with his scissors to tackle any sentence that is syntactically too complex for his whitewashed brain. Therefore, I will have to make do.
We are in what my friend Nancy calls a punt situation. Since the world is taking a red, white, and blue tint these days, one should really start using American metaphors. We cannot move forward, so the best thing to do is punt the ball and see what the other side can do.
To those who have no intimate knowledge of American sports: Wholesale substitutions in American games are mind-boggling.
In soccer, the coach has only three possible substitutions to make. In American football, whole teams get off the field and others come in for special situations. In basketball you can rotate the cheerleaders if you so wish. And in baseball, there is even a “pinch hitter” who cannot be bothered to run from one plate to another. I think this is because of the American belief in specialization. If you are a cobbler by nature, you go on the defense. If you are a dodger by genetic deviation, you are a running back on offense.
If you can swing a bat but can hardly move your legs, no problem. There is a niche you call fall into that might be worth millions of dollars.If raised to a more sublime realm, this tactic is the best insurance against mediocrity. This is the natural evolution of the Renaissance man to the age of niches.
America’s relative freedom from the crippling chains of “tradition”, in its negative sense, allows them to move forward and become better.
Hitler’s dream of a 1,000-year Reich faltered because he thought he would live that long himself. America’s millennium is well under way because it has no face. The faces on Mount Rushmore could be those of any chief executive.
What indeed is the logical reasoning behind three substitutions in soccer? There isn’t any except tradition. I have nothing against tradition, and I recognize that National Geographic makes wonderful documentaries about the traditions of Africa. But the reality is that half the continent is dying of hunger and the other half of AIDS. Wouldn’t you rather substitute the opportunity to buy a gorilla’s hand as a delicacy for the opportunity to buy an incubator that makes your chickens hatch quicker? An American would. An Arab wouldn’t.
Tradition itself is an evolution of values and traits. If left to rot over the years of our hot and steaming history, we end up wobbling. And so do men, by the way. No matter how they botox their cheeks and plant Guinevere-like locks on their balding heads, the reality is still the same. They have expired.
