Should we really blame Rania Al-Baz for failing the test under the typically intensive pressure of our society? Should we question her ability to continue the fight in a judgmental society like ours? I believe that our Saudi culture is the one to blame, because it directly and indirectly filled Rania with shame and guilt: “How dare you? How could you? No wife puts the father of her children in jail?”

Unluckily, in our male dominated society, the woman is the one to blame, even for being a victim. On the surface, everyone sympathized with Rania, but the sad reality was that perhaps even more sympathy was directed toward Rania’s husband. Everyone tried to justify his actions: “He was unemployed for three years.” “He is having mental problems.” “We don’t know what really happened between them.” “He can’t be hitting her without a reason, can he?”

It is as if we Saudis were working overtime to find an excuse for his behavior. My favorite was a quote by one of his sisters to Laha Magazine: “Rania didn’t ask for his release (from prison) for the children’s sake as she claimed. If she was really concerned with her children’s feelings, she shouldn’t have led their father to prison.”

I heard similar comments from many Saudis, men and women, from different backgrounds as they were discussing this tragedy. We, as a society, worry more about family names than children’s feelings. By hearing of such tragedies and then making such comments, we are being selfish and cold-blooded partners of those criminals. We, as a society, don’t mind that those children are actually witnessing a daily horrific scenario of violence against their mother by their father — supposedly a guardian figure. With such confusion and suppressed emotions, God only knows how those boys and girls are going to be in the future.

If a son or daughter cannot trust his/her father or respect his/her mother for her weakness, who knows what he/she is actually going to trust and respect. The abusive husband’s sister makes it worse by telling Laha Magazine that, her brother is “going to pay Rania for all the hospital expenses,” not forgetting to also mention that his health condition is worsening, due to his “scary and horrific experience in jail.” I suggest that he keeps his money for himself, especially since he is still unemployed.

Is that all Rania will receive from him for almost being killed? Blood money? Or maybe this is her reward for being a good Saudi wife and ending her role as the victim or “Drama Queen” that our society finds objectionable. By releasing her husband from prison, she now runs the risk of returning to his hell and living sadly ever after.

It is not surprising that our society and media agreed to try and justify this man’s reasons for almost killing his wife. After all most Saudi journalists are male. Why not pressure the battered wife to cope with her physical and psychological pain? She should simply accept her tragedy as fate, shouldn’t she? Of course, as a Muslim woman, society believes that she has to forgive and forget. Ironically, somehow we ignored the question of the husband’s duties as a Muslim man toward his wife and children.

Let me also point out the comments from another Arabic magazine in which it praised its role in convincing Rania Al-Baz to first talk to her husband in prison, and ask for his release, et cetera. The magazine headline screamed with joy, “We Bring Rania and Husband Together.”

Sadly, despite Rania’s bravery in coming forward, the Saudi media has not been helpful in highlighting the real issue here — domestic violence. We should stop pretending that this problem is a minor one in our society. In fact, domestic violence exists in Saudi Arabia just like any other country in the world. It is a global problem.

If every Saudi woman is shamed and despised by this society for raising personal problems in the public arena, how are we going to expect the authorities to resolve any of the obstacles we face as women here in Saudi Arabia? How can we expect to have any rights if our voices are always either ignored or hushed by all members of society, including family, friends, the media, religious men and the authorities?

When one courageous woman stands up and cries for help, we all blame her for the consequences. When she stops her fight due to a lack of internal and external support, we accuse her of wasting our time and being confused. I am sure that one of us “nice” Saudis is going to say, “See! She couldn’t bear the guilt for what she did to him.”

But I will say: “Thank you Rania, for at least opening the door. You may have lost your battle, but we Saudi women will win ours.”

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(Kholood Alqahtani is an Arab News staffer. She is currently doing her masters in journalism at Cardiff University, UK.)