Q. Can a woman’s parents force her to marry a man of their choice, particularly when she has made it clear to them more than once that she does not agree to their choice? If the woman wants to marry a man of her choice, can she do so? What if her father objects: Can he prevent her marriage?
(Name and address withheld)
A. A woman came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) complaining that her father married her to a relative of his, because he wanted to improve his own social standing through this marriage. The Prophet declared the marriage null and void. When the woman made sure that her marriage was no longer valid, she said to the Prophet: “Now, I agree to what my father did. I only wanted women to know that men do not have a say over their affairs.”
This authentic Hadith is very clear. It is not up to the father, or any other relative, to force a woman into a marriage against her own express wishes. If she does not agree to a marriage, she should declare that, and no one will be able to go ahead and marry her against her wishes. The important thing in all this is that the woman should make her position very clear. If she does not, then her hesitation could be taken as a reluctant agreement.
A father may object to a prospective husband of his daughter on grounds of personal or social incompatibility. But he must always be reasonable and not make his objection on arbitrary basis. He must always seek what is best for his daughter, knowing that he will have to account to God on whether he has taken good care of her or not.
It is also not permissible for a father to block his daughter’s marriage without good reason. What he should realize is that his authority is one of care, seeking the best interest of his daughter, not to regulate her life according to his own wishes or interests. Now, if a woman wants to marry a particular man, he should approach the matter properly, putting his proposal to her family and explaining his situation. The family should look into the matter carefully, remembering always the Prophet’s advice: “If a man whom you find satisfactory with regard to his faith and honesty makes a marriage proposal, then accept him. If you do not, there will be oppression on earth and much corruption.” It is easy to see what the Prophet aims at when he warns against such a practice. If people would reject those who are satisfactory with regard to faith and honesty, then they will accept ones who are unsatisfactory. This will lead to oppression and corruption. The victim is almost always the woman, and often the children. The corruption applies within the family and society at large.
The reader also asks about a court marriage. This is perfectly acceptable, provided the woman’s father or guardian is present. If a woman wants to get married in court, and her father makes his objection clear to the court, there could be some requirements that differ from one country to another. But if the family law of a Muslim country sanctions a marriage, and it is not against a clear Islam rule, the marriage is valid.
Silk Garments Not Permissible for Men
Q.1. I was given a silk tie and a suit as a gift, and I have worn them on several occasions. Is the prohibition on wearing silk total? Can it be relaxed in the case of a tie?
Q.2. If one accidentally drops the Qur’an on the floor, how does he seek forgiveness?
O. Majid
A.1. We have a ruling by the Prophet (peace be upon him) which is very clear and does not admit any argument. He held a piece of gold in one hand and a piece of silk in the other, and said: “These two are permissible for my women followers, forbidden for men.” With such a definitive statement by none other than the Prophet, no one can suggest otherwise. Hence, you find no disagreement among scholars that gold and silk are forbidden for Muslim men.
Having said that, scholars of the past have spoken about having a sword with a handle that includes gold. They said that this is permissible. They also mention that it is permissible to have the bottom end of a robe, where the material is turned inside, made of silk, because it makes the robe or garment more durable. They say that it should not be wider than a man’s palm. On this basis some contemporary scholars express the view that a tie made of silk is permissible. I am not keen on this view. I believe that to refrain from wearing gold and silk altogether is the appropriate course of action for Muslim men.
What to do if one is given such articles as a gift? The Prophet once received suits made of fancy material and he sent one to Umar as a gift. Umar was perturbed because of an earlier incident. He went hurriedly to the Prophet and said: “Messenger of God! You sent me this suit and you had told me in the past that such suits are only worn by a person devoid of good manners.” The Prophet said to him: “I did not send it to you to wear. I only sent it to you so that you may give it away.” Needless to say, the Prophet did not want Umar to give it as a gift to a Muslim, but rather he would give it to someone who could wear it.
If a person used to wear a gold ring or a silk garment and seeks God’s forgiveness, he should declare his repentance before God, and refrain from doing so completely.
A.2. If you dropped the Qur’an on the floor accidentally, taking proper care to hold it firmly, there is no blame to be attached to you. It is when you are careless that you commit an offense. In this case, you need to repent, pray for forgiveness and resolve to be more careful in future.