Q.1. It is permissible for a Muslim man to marry a Christian or a Jewish woman. Why cannot the other way round — a Muslim woman marrying a Christian or Jewish man? It might be for the children’s sake, because children take their father’s name and religion. So, what if the husband agrees that the children will follow their mother’s religion? The mother normally has a greater effect on her children than their father.
Q.2. My friend wants to dye her hair black, but she heard that it is forbidden. Is this true? I really don’t think so because why should black be forbidden and other colors not? It does not make sense to me.
S. Amranthine
A.1. Islam believes in religious freedom. It does not accept that a man or a woman could or should be pressured into accepting a faith in any way other than personal conviction. Hence it allows marriage between a man and a wife belonging to a faith that is recognized by Islam as divine. When a Muslim man marries a Christian or Jewish woman, he believes in the truth of the messages God revealed to the Prophets Moses and Jesus. He respects his wife’s faith and ensures her freedom of belief and worship. If he does not, he is accountable to God for his omission. How could the same freedom be guaranteed in a reverse case where a Muslim woman marries a non-Muslim husband? People may profess to accept that men and women are equal, but in practice, a woman is often the weaker party in a family situation. So, why expose a Muslim woman to such a situation by allowing marriage with a man who does not believe in the truth of the message given to the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)?
As for your point about a particular couple who make all sorts of agreements concerning their life together and their children, you have to remember that laws are enacted for general application, not for individual cases. Thus, if in the majority of cases, religious freedom cannot be guaranteed, we cannot say that an individual case may be excepted because we have guarantees or agreement between the two parties.
As you see, I have not referred to the status of the children, because this is a different issue. It is the question of religious freedom, and the fact of the husband’s disbelief in the Prophet of Islam that are more relevant here.
A.2. The point about hair dye is the importance of ensuring that a person does not deliberately give a false impression. Thus, when an old man dyes his hair black, he wants to be seen as though he is younger than his real age. While, if your hair dye is of any other color, it could easily be seen as an artificial color. When Abu Bakr brought his father to the Prophet after Makkah had fallen to Islam, and Abu Bakr was nearing 60, his father looked very old with all his hair absolutely white. The Prophet advised Abu Bakr to have his father’s hair dyed, but said: “Avoid black dye.” You may imagine what a man of 80 or so would look like if his hair were dyed black. If a middle-aged man wants to dye his hair or his beard black, there is nothing wrong with that. The same applies to women.
When we hear of some Islamic rule, we better ask first what is the purpose behind it. We do not rush to make a judgment, like “it does not make sense”. It could very well make sense if we are alerted to a certain aspect that we might have not taken into consideration.
Changing One’s Appearance
Q. I have thick eyebrows that come all across my face, with no partition in the middle. Is it permissible for me to cut them in the middle, or to cut unwanted thick hair?
(Name and address withheld)
A. Such a question is normally asked by a young woman, but this time it is put by a young man who finds his thick hair a source of irritation. In normal situations we would give an answer that this is not permissible. The Prophet (peace be upon him) has made it clear that all types of changing one’s appearance are forbidden. On eyebrow thinning, he curses the woman who undertakes the task and the one who requests it to be done for her. If this is not acceptable in the case of a woman, it is certainly less so for a man, because changing one’s appearance is one way of changing God’s creation, which is forbidden in Islam. In the Qur’an, God says about the unbelievers: “In His stead, they invoke only lifeless symbols - thus invoking none but a rebellious Satan, whom God has rejected, for he had said: ‘Of Your servants I shall indeed take my due share, and shall certainly lead them astray, and fill them with vain desires; and I shall command them - and they will slit the ears of cattle (in idolatrous sacrifice); and I shall command them - and they will corrupt God’s creation.’ But all who take Satan rather than God for their master do incur a manifest loss.” (4: 117-119) Here corrupting God’s creation is clearly shown to be part of Satan’s designs against humanity. The Prophet has warned against all aspects of such change, including removing or thinning eyebrows, trimming teeth, etc.
Having said that, a case may be made for a person who suffers from some abnormality in his or her appearance, which causes them much distress. If one has an abnormally thick hair in some part of one’s face, which makes that person subject to taunts, ridicule or other forms of irritation, and if this is seen to weigh heavily on such a person, then this may be a case for relaxing the restriction. However, this applies to individual cases. We cannot give a general ruling except to say that in such a case there may be room for permissibility, depending on the special circumstances of the case.