Q. I got married when I was 19, without practically knowing that I was committed to pay my wife a very large dowry. When I discovered this after a few years, I persuaded my wife to forgo her dowry and she did, making it a condition that I do not divorce her during the following year. However, two years later I married a second wife, and then a third a few years later. My first wife has practically separated herself from me, and is demanding that I pay her the dowry. She also got my three daughters married without my consent. It was close relatives who acted for them in their marriages. What I would like to know is whether my daughters’ marriages are valid, and whether my wife’s demand to have her dowry is correct, considering that I fulfilled the condition she had set.
G. Abubakr
A. I am in a very difficult position with regard to a question of this sort. The reason of the difficulty is that I have no access to the other side of the story. When there is a problem between two people, each looks at it from a different angle. A mufti gives his fatwa on the basis of the question put to him. Sometime, the person putting the question intentionally or unintentionally ignores a certain point that may have a bearing on the whole question. In this case, for example, the reader asked his wife to forgo her very large dowry, and she specifies a condition that he would not divorce her. He is saying that this condition applied for the following year. Is this true? It seems more likely that she wanted to be sure of her position, and she might have exacted a promise that she would never be divorced. What she might have had in mind is the security of her position.
The man has not divorced his wife, but he married two more women. Needless to say, his first wife was very upset and she must have felt her position to be shaky. Since she has given him several children, and was generous when she promised not to ask for her dowry, he should have returned her kindness by showing her more of his love and compassion. Instead, he married a second wife and a third, adding to his own financial burden. In this case, she felt that there was no real need that she should forgo what is hers by right.
If she genuinely gifted him her dowry, without conditions, she cannot go back on her gift, but I cannot say that this is applicable unless I hear her version of what she said and what was agreed. On the other hand, if she had made some conditions that her husband would not marry a second wife, and he did, then the dowry remains outstanding, and he has no option but to pay it.
My advice to this man is to try to make peace with his wife, showing her kindness, love and compassion. This is the proper way Islam requires in the treatment of women.
As for the marriages of his daughters, these are valid, unless there was a material breach of Islamic requirements. On the basis of what the reader says, it does not appear that there was such a breach.
Who Gets the Dowry
Q. I am about to be married, but when my prospective wife’s parents spoke to me about her dowry, I felt that they want to take the dowry for themselves. Is this correct? I thought that the dowry goes to the girl, not to her parents. Please advise, as I am a new Muslim.
Abd Al-Rahman
A. You are right. The dowry, or mahr, belongs to the wife, and she is its sole owner. No one else can claim any share in it. It is her right as part of her becoming lawful to her husband. She can do with it whatever she wants, including spending, investing it, or indeed giving any part of it as a gift to anyone she chooses, or keeping it for herself. She may, if she decides without any pressure from anyone, forgo part or all of it, making that portion of it a gift to her husband. But this must be her free choice, with no pressure brought to bear on her to do so.
If your prospective wife has agreed with her parents to gift them her dowry, she is free to do so. It could be that they are poor and in need of help, and she wants to help them. In this case, she is acting out of dutifulness. On the opposite extreme, they may be greedy and they want to deprive her of it. In this case, they need to be told that they have no right to it. In between these two opposite ends, there are many possibilities.
What you should do is to speak to your prospective wife and ascertain what she wants to do. If she is forced to relinquish her dowry without any real need on the part of her parents, then you should try to help her retain it. On the other hand, if she is being dutiful, she will earn rich reward from God for being kind to her parents.
Friday Prayer at the Workplace
Q. A Canadian company gave its 30 Muslim workers space for prayers. Some of them claim that it is not permissible to organize Friday prayer in this space, because there is a mosque at about 10 minutes walk, and the workers in this company could use their lunch break to attend the prayer in the mosque. Please comment.
Masuma
A. Different schools of Fiqh specify certain conditions for the validity of Friday prayers. These normally relate to the number of people in attendance and the place where the prayer is offered, and the sort of sermon, or khutbah, given. A highly reputable scholar analyzed these conditions and concluded that none of them carries much weight. Indeed there is no specific Hadith that requires the Friday prayer to be conducted in a place designated as a mosque. Like all prayers, it can be performed in any place. It does not have to be in a mosque.
In the situation you have mentioned, it is the convenience that should be the determining factor. These employees can go to the mosque to attend the prayer during their lunch hour, but they will be without lunch, which could be a strain affecting their performance at work. It is certainly more convenient for them and their employers that they should organize their Friday prayer at their workplace. They can have a quick lunch before or after the prayer. This is a much better arrangement all round. There is nothing in Islam that prevents them from doing so. Their number is more than sufficient for Friday prayers. They should go ahead and organize it.