MAKKAH, 14 May 2006 — Government employee Ahmad S. learned a hard lesson in borrowing money for love.

According to a report in Al-Nadwa newspaper recently, there are lots of men like Ahmad who take out loans from banks and friends to finance dowry arrangements, marriage, and a little extra cash to kick-start the married life.

“I had half of that money at that time which came from saving from my salary for many years. The rest of the money I had to borrow from friends and family,” said Ahmad, who was faced with a SR30,000 dowry as well as paying for the wedding ceremony and preparing the house for his new family. He ended up borrowing SR150,000 to add to the money he had saved; it didn’t take long for reality to kick in.

“I realized at that time that my salary was only SR2,000 a month. Most of my money went to pay for the house, water, phone and electricity bill,” he told Al-Nadwa. “I was facing a very difficult situation.”

Ahmad said he had to ask his wife to help him pay off the debt. The stress of owing more money than one can handle can impose huge strains on the integrity of marriage, especially in a country with debtor’s prisons. In Ahmad’s case, the load was too much and the relationship collapsed.

“I was the one that took the risk of borrowing the money just to build the house for her. She was so selfish for refusing to help me. She let me sink,” he said. “To get revenge against her, I sold all the furniture in the house to pay back some of my debt and divorced her. Now I am happy again living next to my mother.”

In addition to the dowry, wedding arrangements and home setup costs, some marriage contracts in Saudi Arabia have a so-called “deferred-sum marriage” clause, which is a prenuptial agreement that the groom would pay an established sum in the event of divorce.

Anwar Ali, a Saudi private sector employee, agreed to a SR20,000 dowry as well as a SR50,000 deferred sum. He said that he expressed concern to the would-be in-laws that considering his financial situation, he felt uncomfortable with the prenuptial proposition. He said the family convinced him that they felt the marriage would work out, that he shouldn’t worry.

“I took a SR100,000 bank loan to pay for the dowry and the marriage. The first year was golden, until she changed. My wife turned into a monster,” he said.

Ali said life with his wife was terrible and that he could do nothing to discipline her. According to him, she refuses to listen and created trouble inside the home. Ali said he believed that the family encouraged his wife’s behavior, knowing that SR50,000 would come their way if the marriage collapsed.

“Life became unbearable with my wife to the extent that I stopped going to work. The bank began pressuring me to pay back the loan,” said Ali. “I was between two fires: Unable to pay the loan and facing more debt in the event of divorce.”

Government employee Abdul Ghani Al-Zeyadi said that on one hand the prenuptial arrangement is a kind of carrot-and-stick motivator: A carrot in the form of a fulfilling and caring marriage between a man and woman who work out their problems peacefully and a stick if the marriage fails and the ex-husband is then faced with financial penalty. On the other hand, says Al-Zeyadi, grooms should be very careful about borrowing only the money they need and to mitigate the amount of debt by negotiating an affordable dowry, and budgeting wisely the home setup and marriage-ceremony expenses.

“Saudis should not overload themselves with large loans. This will cause problems that lead to divorce. The man should make a balance and get only the amount of money he needs,” said Al-Zeyadi. “It is very important to know that they must pay the money back later.”

Al-Zeyadi also pointed out that young Saudi men whose parents cover the marriage expenses might be more likely to file for divorce for superficial reasons rather than try to make the relationship work. In other words, when the expense is personal, young men might think twice about rushing into and out of a marriage.

Muhammad Majrashi, a government employee, said he thinks marriage loans are necessary because it facilitates marriage of men who would otherwise have to defer such plans until later in life after years of scrimping and saving. Still, he added, the burden of debt and the challenges of marriage are not being wisely considered.

“We notice that there are an increasing number of divorce cases,” he said. “It is not due to people getting loans from banks or from friends, but rather because the youth have not taken marriage seriously.”

Fatema Ahmad, a major graduate in physics, had some encouraging words for wannabe husbands: Look for the brides that are wise enough to understand that wracking your new hubby with heavy financial burdens is a bad way to begin a life together. She said her husband took out a loan, but she mitigated the burden by asking for a small dowry (which is the right of the woman to decide, not her father) and helping him budget expenses.

“Women who ask for smaller dowries are women full of blessing,” said Fatema. “I do not believe in getting a loan to get married as a general rule,” she said. “Men should pay what they have. If the family asks for too much then perhaps the groom should search somewhere else for a bride. There are families out there that would approve a marriage for their daughter for a reasonable dowry, taking into consideration the groom’s ability to pay.”