I have read four very disturbing stories about abusive men in our local papers. In the first instance, a father overlooked — and even abetted — the beating of his daughter by his new wife who was the child’s stepmother. In the second case, the father struck his daughter so hard that he broke her arm. In the third, a supposedly “educated” man beat his daughter so badly that she almost lost the sight in one eye. In the last, a man beat his wife within a few hours of their marriage. His reason was that his mother had told him that that was “the way” to start a marriage. Otherwise, his mother told him, he would forever be dominated by his wife.
I have written about such incidents before but it seems to me that their numbers have now reached levels that are both alarming and dangerous. Read the preceding paragraph again and you will realize that in every instance, it is a man beating a girl or a woman. In other words, the stronger is attacking the weaker instead of, as is considered normal, the stronger protecting the weaker.
Something is obviously very wrong and these incidents are only symptoms of a deeper malaise. Yes, we must treat the symptoms but that will not be enough. That will not cure the disorder. When we are sick, we go to a doctor and describe our symptoms. He uses what we tell him and his own knowledge plus possible testing in order to treat what is causing the symptoms. By doing so, we get rid of the symptoms as well as the disorder that is causing them.
We all see these cases of abuse; we hear about them; we read about them — and yet, we do nothing about them. The time for inaction is over; it is time to do something. First of all, enact laws and legislation that safeguard the rights of women and children, especially girls. And please, please don’t tell me that Islam has given them their rights. It certainly has — but too often the rights that Islam has given are not implemented or there is no mechanism for enforcing them. That must change. There must be safe houses, counseling and health care for the victims of this awful abuse.
The media must embark upon a campaign of informing the public where these safe houses are, what legislation exists, where counseling can be sought — in short, the media has an obligation to inform the public that not only is it wrong for men to get away with such behavior but also that it is wrong for their victims to do nothing to help themselves.
The victims must know that they have a choice; they do not have to stay in a situation in which they are abused. If the victims were aware of what phone number would bring help and where to go for sympathetic counseling, perhaps at least the worst part of the problem could be dealt with. We would still of course have to deal with the beasts who committed the abuse in the first place. They must be punished; they must not be allowed to escape the consequences of their actions. And frankly, I don’t care if the guilty men are exposed, regardless of who they are, what their position is or what important jobs they hold. What makes the problem worse is that on almost all occasions, the female, whether wife or child, is returned to the “tormentor” after he signs an undertaking that he will not beat or abuse them again. This is a scandal! We need to be aware that a man who abuses women and children will not stop. A study in the UK showed that such men are mentally disturbed and suffer from a number of emotional problems and complexes.
The sight of young children being dragged, crying and pleading, back to abusive fathers is sickening. It revolts me. The victims then naturally suffer trauma. They may wet their beds or vomit, both of which anger their tormentor who abuses them even more. It is not unusual for young children to contemplate — and attempt — suicide in a bid to escape from what is a living hell.
My eyes filled with tears when I heard the story of one 13-year-old boy who, in my office, told me that he was forced to return to his father who has been abusing him. He had tried twice to kill himself but he had been sent back to the very situation which had made him think of ending his life.
Our judges and other legal officials have no knowledge of psychiatry or psychology; at times, it seems that they may even lack some basic humanity. These are all reasons why we need more research and new laws — and more trained and qualified women assigned to deal with the cases. Our present system focuses on patching things up rather than eliminating the need for patching.
The first priority must be the safety and rehabilitation of the abused women and children rather than simply doing what will “look good” to the neighbors. Sadly, the first priority today seems to be to preserve the status quo and to assume that a warning is all that is needed.
Those who say that these things “do not happen” should be forced to confront them head-on and to deal with the victims. Even a single incident can result in serious behavioral problems. I urge the human rights organizations in the country, as well as the authorities, to set up helplines for these unfortunate people. Let the abused know that they have a choice; they do not simply have to endure.
