JEDDAH, 28 May 2006 — When relationships turn sour divorce can become the only solution. If there are no children then the matter can be easily brought to a close but when there are children involved then things can get messy.

Many men resort to unethical methods of punishing ex-wives by using children as pawns in their personal vendettas. The question remains — are there any regulations that prevent ex-partners from tormenting each other?

Elham Al-Ajmi stayed with her abusive father for 13-years and was stopped from meeting or seeing her mother during the entire period. “It was only after my marriage that I was able to see my mother. My husband is supportive of me and didn’t agree with my father who wanted to make sure I didn’t have any contact with my mother,” she said.

Elham said she found it rather difficult growing up without a mother; her father would not just stop her from contacting her but would swear at her. When a cousin requested Elham’s hand in marriage, her father stipulated a condition that she be not allowed to see her mother. “The marriage official refused to include this condition in the marriage contract,” she said, “and the entire thing was about to be canceled when my fiance said he would verbally agree to the condition but would not write it down.”

The first thing Elham’s husband did after her marriage was to go and see her mother.

For 10 years, Hussam Al-Ruwaki lived with his divorced father who also wouldn’t allow him to see his mother. “At vacations,” Hussam said, “I would ask my father if I could go stay with my mother and he would refuse.” He said his uncles felt differently and convinced his father to allow them to take him to Makkah for Umrah. Hussam’s father agreed under the condition that he wouldn’t be allowed to see his mother.

“I was under the impression that my uncles had agreed to the condition but after having completed Umrah they took me to see my mother,” Hussam said. “It was an emotional scene that made everybody cry. I wish my father would end this madness and allow regular visits to see my mother.”

Interestingly, it is not only ex-husbands that torment ex-wives. In some situations ex-wives are known to prevent fathers from seeing and meeting their children.

Nasser Al-Hazmi is a divorcee whose ex-wife is in custody of their three children. He said his ex-wife and brothers-in-law prevent him from seeing his children. “The problem is not with the divorce, but with my wife’s insistence that I do not see my children,” he said. “The only way I get to see them is at school in the morning when I’m briefly able to say hello to them.”

Nasser wonders whether there are laws that stop this madness.

Student Ibrahim Al-Manie is at middle school, his parents divorced when he was rather young. Ibrahim said that his father is kind to him and his sisters but insists that they do not visit their mother. “At times, we lie to him saying we’re going shopping but then we go and see our mother,” he said. “Once we were seen by a relative who told our father; he beat us and locked us up at home.”

Ibrahim says he doesn’t know what crime he has committed to deserve this. “All that I wanted to do was see my mother,” he said.

As a school principal, Nawal Al-Johani has witnessed many cases where daughters have been stopped from seeing mothers. Nawal said a pupil had not seen her mother for more than 12 years. Teachers then managed to arrange for the girl to meet her mother at school once a week. “After regularly seeing her mother, the girl’s academic performance dramatically improved,” Nawal said.

Lawyers are calling for laws allowing children to see parents that are divorced. Ahmad Ibrahim, a lawyer and legal consultant at Riyadh’s King Abdul Aziz Medical City for the National Guard, said: “This sort of behavior is uncalled for and contrary to the ethics and righteousness of our society. In recent times we are seeing many people punishing ex-partners in such cold and cruel ways. It is a problem that needs a quick solution.”

Ibrahim added, “In the absence of clear punishment there needs to be awareness and guidance. We need a law that protects children and allows them to see parents. I’m hoping a law will soon come about.”