JEDDAH, 4 June 2006 — Marriage for people with mental handicaps is a contentious issue in Saudi society. Most parents care for their mentally disabled children and, therefore, for many, marriage is perhaps the only way of securing care, love and attention after their parents die.

However, there are questions regarding whether the mentally disabled should marry women that are handicapped or healthy. And it would be intriguing to know what sort of domestic lives such people live once married and how they cope with responsibilities pertaining to wives and children? What does Islam say about the issue? And what does the Saudi government say about such marriages?

Mussad Al-Saeed is a 40-year-old mentally-handicapped person who has spent one-third of his life searching for a wife that would accept him as he is. Al-Saeed has spent thousands of riyals on his quest to find a bride but has always faced closed doors.

He has met matchmakers who have taken money from him promising to find him a wife but till today he’s still single. Other women have falsely promised him their daughters in exchange of substantial amounts of dowry but after making the payments these women also disappear.

Al-Saeed became mentally disabled after he was involved in a car crash at the age of 16. Depressed and exasperated, he said: “I want to get married and have kids like normal people. I have a house, a salary and a government job. Society rejects me because of my condition.”

Al-Saeed’s nephew, who was seated with him, added that his uncle once gave dowry worth SR20,000 to a woman with the aim of marrying her daughter. Upon receiving the money, the woman rejected him and refused to return the money.

Al-Saeed’s story is a sad and sorry one and not the first or last one. There are hundreds of other people with similar stories. Some have managed to marry while others have married and then divorced while a third group, like Al-Saeed, is still suffering the pain and agony of searching for a wife only to be rejected.

Other mentally disabled people have been somewhat lucky, families have been successful in finding wives and many of these people lead successful married lives.

Muhammad Z., 25, was luckier than Al-Saeed. His mother managed to find him a wife and helped him start his own business to support his family. Muhammad says he was forced to start a business after his brothers and cousins refused to help him in any way.

There are other cases of mentally disabled people who are successfully married.

Mohsin M. has been working in a governmental job for four years and is happily married with three children. Other people have not been so lucky; a mentally handicapped female, who wished to remain anonymous, has been married four times, each time ending in divorce and a baby.

Shadia Al-Masri, rehabilitation consultant for the mentally disabled, said that with people abusing the mentally disabled, marriage is a means of protection from the evils of society.

“Marrying a mentally handicapped person is a form of charity in itself and there are many successful marriages. In Germany, the mentally handicapped get married in special camps under the watchful eyes of specialists who help and guide them,” Al-Masri said.

She stressed the importance of seminars to increase awareness among parents on the correct way of dealing with mentally handicapped children so they do not become isolated from society.

Sheikh Ahmad Al-Maabi, a marriage official, said that there is nothing in Islam that says marriages between healthy men and women and mentally handicapped people are wrong. Mental illnesses are not infectious diseases and as long as couples agree to marry and can carry out their marital duties then there is nothing that makes such marriages impermissible.

He said, “God rewards those who work to protect the mentally handicapped by marrying them. I’ve conducted many marriages between healthy and mentally handicapped people and most are successful marriages.”

Al-Maabi added that in such marriages abortions are forbidden unless doctors are absolutely sure that the baby is mentally disabled prior to the fourth month of pregnancy.

Hessa Al-Angari of the Female Rehabilitation Center called for the establishment of a village environment for the mentally handicapped in which husbands and wives could be fully trained. Al-Angari said that if disabled people got married without training then that would destroy the marriage and create children with similar problems. The mentally handicapped men and women should be trained to ensure they do not fall into the hands of greedy husbands and wives who would abuse and use them.

On the other hand, Ali Al-Amri, a social scientist, criticized such village settings saying that society should work toward integrating such people within the mainstream rather than isolating them. He said that by integrating them within society they will learn how to deal with people and this is better than being isolated.