I had been invited to attend a breakfast meeting last week and arrived bleary-eyed, exhausted and utterly incoherent on two hours of sleep. Quite a stark contrast to the bright, animated and sprightly people gathered around me. There were several distinguished American gentlemen seated at my table who expressed interest in the fact that I represented one of their networks.
“My work’s quite sporadic,” I explained half-heartedly thinking of the gargantuan task that lay before me in the days ahead. “It primarily depends on what’s going on in the news or if there are any special segments or interviews to be done.”
“What are you working on now?” someone asked.
“Actually, we are doing a special segment this week and something like that means that I have to coordinate a lot with one of the ministries. So you know, the usual running around, knocking on closed doors. Then banging a bit louder. Then the tea boy arriving to tell me that I should come back after a while because everyone has gone on their 10 o’clock coffee break even though they turned up for work at 9:45. Then returning at eleven to be told to come back after the prayer. Mobiles ringing a few times then magically turned off. Faxes of requests left unanswered, sometimes even kept in situ in the fax machine for evidence of not having been received by the concerned party. Classic passing of the buck from one department to another. That kind of intellectually stimulating thing.”
“Must be tough,” he commented.
“I am really lucky dealing with our people in Cairo and New York. I don’t think they know just quite what the Saudi work ethic is all about. Nor do I to tell you the truth! But nonetheless, they are forever sympathetic with respect to the challenges I continuously face. At the moment I am working on a special for the Today show about the three great faiths.”
“Got you,” said another fellow sitting a couple of seats away pre-empting my little advertising spiel. “That would be Northern Baptist, Southern Baptist and Methodist, right?”
His grin gave me the courage to chuckle, although there have been similar times when more outrageous things have been said in all seriousness.
“That’s funny,” I commented. “You’re an American. Please tell me in earnest whether you really think that your countrymen don’t have much of a clue about even simple things like that?”
“Oh for sure,” he replied quite categorically. “I don’t think people understand much of anything beyond the borders of their own state, leave alone their own country. Let me tell you a funny story. When I came to Saudi a while back, I decided to grow a beard. And you know what?” “What?” I asked intrigued.
“Well, when I went back home the guys thought I had done it because I was trying to fit into the culture and one of them even said to me, ‘You grew that beard cos of living in Saudi, right? After all, when in Rome do what the Romans do!’”
“Brilliant,” I remarked through fits of laughter. “What do you think their perception is of you having chosen to live here? Do they think you’re a bit weird?”
“I am sure many of them do especially because I try and give them the other side of the story. I think that Americans are really interested in the whole region, but they see it all as one big country. Saudi, Iraq, Bahrain, it’s all the same to them. My daughter was in college and one of her courses was on the Middle East and I told her I’d help her with the research part of her project. So I gave her all this material and guess what?” he questioned.
“What?” I replied waiting for the punch line.
“Her professor who is a so-called ‘expert’ failed her because he doubted the authenticity of her information. It just didn’t fit with what the stereotype was.” “That really is an even more depressing prospect than I had originally imagined,” I remarked.
In the brief talk that followed the speaker reinforced the point that Americans by and large don’t really have a concept about foreign policy issues. As long as they are not personally being attacked or having their national security infringed upon by terrorists they don’t really care about world politics either way.
I think that this is something that most Saudis have quite a good understanding of. We realize that Americans are essentially good people. Some of the nicest, most genuine and generous people I have ever come into contact with have been Americans. My quarrel has never been with them but with their government. It’s a great shame that many of us on both sides forget to make this distinction.
After breakfast I proceeded to pay homage to the sleeping beauties in the ministry. I made the usual calls, sent the e-mails and faxes and finally got to speak to an unusually cooperative official.
“No, sorry,” he began, “we didn’t receive the request.”
It was interestingly enough found in the fax machine.
“All I need is an answer as to whether it will be possible or not before the weekend,” I pleaded.
“Yes, yes,” he replied enthusiastically. “It’s just waiting for the boss’s signature.”
Borderline utopian optimism or pure mental retardation made me believe that the cat was in the bag and I excitedly confirmed to my superiors that the deed was certain to be done.
After several phone calls and reassurances, Wednesday afternoon arrived and I panicked.
“Did you get the signature?” I asked in anticipation.
“There is a slight problem,” was the response that made my life flash before my eyes.
“What?” I asked summoning up an immense amount of bravado.
“The boss left the Kingdom last week and won’t be back until Saturday,” came the stoic reply.
