Islam defines certain values and manners that should be observed when men and women meet socially. These provide a perfect framework that ensures a fine standard of propriety and morality, without interfering with the steady progress of the life of society. This framework promotes what is good and useful, steers away from what is bad, resists evil pressures and maintains good psychological health for both man and woman as it prohibits all cheap arousal of the sexual urge. At the same time, it neither resorts to escape from reality nor creates excessive shyness or sensitivity when dealing with the other sex. It is a perfect framework of propriety. It imposes more restrictions on women in dress code, speech and movement, which causes some difficulty. Muslim women, however, bear this difficulty knowing that it does not stop them from attending to their needs, which may necessitate social mixing with men. Such needs may be numerous or few, according to circumstances in different communities and families. This in turn increases or decreases the degree of social mixing.
Islam provides a number of factors to ensure that social mixing in Islamic society remains within its framework of propriety. The first of these is careful upbringing and education which seek to establish faith in the hearts of young people, attend to worship and promote good morality. Thus, young boys and girls grow up in an atmosphere that values purity and chastity and promotes a sense of responsibility in all. God says in the Qur’an: “Believers! Guard yourselves and your families against a Fire fuelled with people and stones.” (66: 6) “Not one of all (the beings) that are in the heavens or on earth but shall appear before the Most Merciful as a servant. Indeed, He has full cognizance of them. He has kept a strict count of their numbers, and, on the Day of Resurrection, every one of them will appear before Him all alone.” (19: 93-95)
A large number of Hadiths encourage kindness and proper upbringing of boys and girls, with greater emphasis on girls because they were often neglected and ill-treated in pre-Islamic societies. Lady Ayesha quotes the Prophet (peace be upon him) as saying: “Anyone who is in a position of responsibility of young girls and is kind to them should know that they will provide him with protection from hell.” (Related by Al-Bukhari and Muslim.) Needless to say, good upbringing and education is the highest and best form of kindness to young girls and boys.
The Prophet (peace be upon Him) is quoted as saying: “Anyone who has a young slave girl and he gives her good education and upbringing, then sets her free and marries her will have a double reward.” (Related by Al-Bukhari.) Such is the high value Islam places on educating and bringing up a slave girl. Needless to say, the reward attached to the upbringing of one’s own daughter or relative is much higher.
Al-Rubayyi’ bint Mu’awwidh, a companion of the Prophet, tells us about the discipline taught to young people at the time. She reports: “The Prophet sent heralds into the quarters of the Ansar in the morning of Ashura’, i.e. Muharram 10, saying: ‘Whoever started the day not fasting should fast the rest of the day, and whoever is fasting should continue his fast.’ We observed fasting on that day ever since, and we made our young fast. We would make soft toys for them so that when any of them cried of hunger, we would give them the toy to distract them until the time when we ended the fast.” (Related by Al-Bukhari and Muslim.)
The second factor is early marriage, which Islam encourages in order to help people maintain their chastity. A number of Hadiths are clear in this respect. Abdullah ibn Masood quotes the Prophet as saying: “Young people, whoever of you can afford marriage, should get married, because marriage helps in lowering one’s gaze (at women) and in maintaining chastity. Those who are unable to marry may fast, as fasting reduces desire.” (Related by Al-Bukhari and Muslim.)
Two young men related to the Prophet went to him seeking help in getting married. When the Prophet listened to their request, “he said to Maymiyah (a man who was in charge of the state’s share of war booty), ‘Let this young man (Al-Fadl ibn Al-Abbas) marry your daughter,’ and he did so. He then said to Nawfal ibn Al-Harith, ‘And you give this young man (Abd Al-Muttalib ibn Rabee’ah) your daughter to marry,’ and he did. He then said to Maymiyah: ‘Pay so much in dowry for them from the war booty.’” (Related by Muslim.)
Fatimah bint Qays reports that the Prophet told her to marry Usamah. “I married him, and God blessed our marriage and I was happy.” (Related by Muslim.) Usamah was a young man when the Prophet made this proposal of marriage to Fatimah. According to some reports, he was not yet 16 at the time.
While the foregoing Hadiths encourage young men to get married, we have a Hadith that encourages the marriage of young women. The Prophet says: “Had Usamah been a girl, I would have adorned her and given her good appearance in order to get her married.” (Related by Ibn Saad.)
There is no doubt that marriage provides great help in maintaining morality, particularly when a man finds himself attracted to a woman other than his wife. An authentic Hadith that needs no comment from us gives a clear and down to earth picture. Jabir quotes the Prophet as saying: “If any of you admires a certain woman, and he fancies her, let him go to his wife and have sex with her. This will remove the thoughts that may trouble him.” (Related by Muslim.)
The third factor is to provide a limited room for mixing of adolescents under supervision. We will be discussing this factor in the light of the Sunnah next week, God willing.