RIYADH, 2 March 2007 — “I am openly calling on men to stop abusing women in the name of culture and tradition. Men can stop women from marrying; they can also force women to marry; they can stop women from leaving their homes, prevent them from working and also from traveling,” said Umm Rasheed as she complained about the plight of women in the Kingdom.
Umm Rasheed is a Saudi woman who has been courageous enough to talk to the media and demand freedom for herself. “On top of what I have mentioned, for no obvious reason, women can be stopped from seeing and meeting their children by their husbands and ex-husbands. In short, men don’t regard women as fellow human beings with their own rights,” she said.
Speaking to Sayidaty, a sister publication of Arab News, Umm Rasheed explained how she, like many other women, had suffered from living in a male-dominated and culture-oriented society. She, however, describes herself as lucky to have been able to voice her concerns about the suffering she has experienced at the hands of her father, brother, two previous husbands and her children’s uncle.
“My father remains in my memory as the ultimate authority in our house. I never experienced kindness from him and I wish he had treated me in the way that many fathers treat their children,” she said, adding, “Unfortunately, my father knew nothing but how to scream and beat us. I sometimes forgave him and tried to convince myself that his behavior was because of his endless responsibilities, especially since he had two wives and 10 children.”
The worst thing that her father did, according to Umm Rasheed, was to force her to marry a man 20 years her senior. “My father took me out of school and into my husband’s house. I was 16 years old at the time and I begged him not to but he didn’t listen. Although the man wasn’t the husband I had always dreamed of, I thought getting married would relieve my problems,” she said.
However, Umm Rasheed faced other problems after her marriage. Her husband did not trust her and treated her badly. “My life was hell. My husband monitored my movements and even listened to my telephone conversations. His family members also caused trouble; they interfered in our life and caused many problems.”
All this time, her own family denied her support. “They simply told me to settle into the miserable life I was living rather than helping me to get out of it. I tolerated the awful situation for many years and ended up with four children,” Umm Rasheed explained.
Finally, fed up with the situation and unable to stand it any longer, she asked for a divorce which she said was not easy to get. “My husband didn’t hesitate to beat me and kick me out of the house when I asked for a divorce. He tried his best to delay the decision and in the end, he took a second wife and so I left without a divorce,” she said. “I wasn’t welcomed home by my family. My father had recently died and my oldest brother was unwilling to look after my children. He was just like the other men. He was as harsh as my father and husband, of the same mentality and had the same attitude. He ordered me to return to my husband and said that his family was large enough and that he couldn’t house any more people.” In the end, however, her brother let her live at his home as her husband had refused to pay her and the children’s expenses.
“Soon my husband died and I was left a widow,” she said. It was then that her husband’s family began trying to prove that her husband had divorced her in order to stop her from inheriting his wealth. “They even refused to give me my children’s inheritance. I lived for miserable years with many problems, not only with my husband’s family but even with my brother who refused to allow me to have a separate house where I could live with my children,” she said.
Umm Rasheed said that the only way to escape the torture of life with her brother was by remarrying and so she agreed to become the second wife of a man who promised her a happy life.
“Problems began in the first month of marriage. My ex-husband’s family took custody of my children through the courts and then sent them to live with their uncle in the south of the Kingdom,” she said. Then her new husband asked her to invest money in the stock market. “I lost everything in the stock market and then I became pregnant. It was then that I discovered my husband had married me only for my money,” she said.
Her husband was angry when he learned of her pregnancy and offered her medication to abort the child. “I refused to take the medicine. Why should I kill a baby? I resolved not to take the medicine, especially after consulting a local sheikh,” she said.
Umm Rasheed says her second husband only wanted a temporary marriage. “He was satisfied with his children from his first marriage and just wanted to benefit financially from me. When I told him that I had lost all my money in the stock market, he simply divorced me,” she said.
Once she was divorced, Umm Rasheed returned to her brother and tried to get custody of her children from her previous marriage. “My children’s uncle is a drug addict. He took their inheritance and spent it. He is totally incompetent at looking after children,” she said.
Umm Rasheed says she recently went to visit her children. “My 15-year-old daughter is mentally ill. I can’t visit them or get custody unless my own brother allows me to do so. I am worried because my daughter told me on the phone that she is being sexually harassed by her relatives,” she added. “I am mentally shattered and thinking of suicide. That would bring all my problems to an end and protect my baby from future problems. I am unable to help my children and I cannot take them from their uncle. I can’t even bring them here with my brother. I’m not allowed to work and provide them with money since my brother won’t allow me to do so,” said Umm Rasheed with tears in her eyes.
Sheikh Muhammad Al-Majid, commenting on Umm Rasheed’s problems, said: “This is a sad and heartbreaking example of the way people abuse Islam and let their cultural and traditional practices override the care and mercy taught by Islam.” The sheikh said that Islam awards women custody of their children and that in this case, the mother has every right to take over the financial affairs of the children.
“If the mother remarries, then the children would be handed over to the father or, in his absence, the father’s relatives. When the children are older, then they have the right to choose whom they live with,” the sheikh said, adding, “The judge must decide what is suitable for the children. If the woman wants to marry, she must have a male guardian. If she does not have one, then the judge can play that role.”