COLUMBUS, Ohio, 26 October 2007 — Drugs, failing grades, hanging out with the wrong crowd — parents will agree that these things contribute greatly to many sleepless nights. Praying on time, being devoted to the mosque and choosing pious friends ought to make parents proud. Au contraire....

Having graduated from a good university, Bilal (not his real name) is searching for a job in engineering. Under the subtitle “Objectives”, his résumé reads: “I am living simply for the hereafter.”

This résumé, however, won’t be found in the hands of a CEO at a corporate office but rather in the clutches of an aunty! Besides looking for a job and a place in Paradise, Bilal is searching for a wife.

Six feet tall and fair skinned, the well-dressed, soft-spoken young Bengali boy appears to be quite a catch. What hinders him then in finding a spouse? Bilal wishes his wife to have a bachelor’s degree, adhere perfectly to Islamic principles and wear the niqaab. She should only work if it is charity work in an Islamic atmosphere, allowing her to wear Islamic dress and to have no interaction with men.

Some of the aunties who leafed through his résumé refused to even meet him saying, “He sounds like a nut,” or “Is he from Al-Qaeda?” One aunty tried to play matchmaker and introduced Bilal to her niece. Before the meeting, the aunty told him to trim his beard. “You’ll frighten her with your long beard. As it is, her father thinks that the FBI is out to get all bearded men.”

Bilal didn’t trim his beard, nor did he frighten the 19-year-old perspective match. He did, however, stump her a little with his questions. Apart from asking her political views, he wanted to know how she would ensure her children would be Islamic scholars and not doctors or engineers. His heart, mind and Istikhara told him she wasn’t the one.

He did go on to find the perfect match. The girl of his dreams, however, was the girl of his mother’s nightmares. She wears niqaab, is known for her piety and is a Somali. Bilal’s parents had a fit. His mother could not even imagine a “dark” daughter-in-law. Bilal, though, had other views, “I don’t care about complexion. I just want a woman who will help me lead an Islamic life.”

But his dream was crushed, and his parents’ nightmare ended — in other words, mother prevailed. Bilal is still single. “Most Somali girls are very religious and nice; most Somali boys around here are very Westernized. Now where will these Somali girls find good husbands if we don’t marry them?” he said in an interview. “Unfortunately, our community is so hung up on complexion, it’s hardly fair.”

He still harbors hope that he will marry the Somali girl and that his parents will ultimately give in.

Twenty-year-old Sakina dropped out of sight recently much to the surprise and anxiety of her friends. She stopped coming to her classes and calls to her cell phone went unanswered. Sakina had brought upon herself the wrath of her parents — of Indian origin — who tried to lock her up in the house, and took away her cell phone, when she told them she had accepted the proposal of an African American Muslim. This was the last straw.

They did not approve of her Islamic orthodoxy when she not too long ago, began wearing the hijab and decided to study Islam and Arabic instead of medicine.

John, the African American, had converted to Islam a few years ago. He was well known for his kindness, sweet nature and his involvement with the mosque and the Muslim community.

He met Sakina during various Islamic seminars and sent a proposal. She had received several proposals but decided to accept the one whom she thought was the best — Islamically speaking. She spoke to a sheikh and said she should talk to her parents and if they did not agree, she could still marry John because he was a good Muslim. Sakina’s parents were very angry and tried to reason with her. They also tried to ground her and keep her under lock and key. It did not work. She revolted and moved out. She still plans on marrying John when things settle down a little.

Why do parents react so negatively when it comes to marrying a person who appears different from them? One such mother said, “I have told my girls they can marry whoever they want as long as they are good Muslims, educated and one of us. By that I mean no blacks, no Chinese, Japanese and not even a Caucasian.”

When asked why she thought that way, she said, “I want to have grandchildren that look like they are one of us. Why find a black or a Chinese Muslim when you can find equally good ones among your own kind?”

Many young Muslims such as Bilal and Sakina see beyond race, ethnicity and complexion. They are only looking to marry for the love of Allah. Any color will do as long as it is the color of piety and Islam.