On Saturday morning I beat my wireless keyboard to death. It was a satisfying experience. Please, do not send e-mails advising me that computer peripherals are not alive. In this digital age I spend more time with my PC than with any person in my life. The machine and I definitely have some sort of weird relationship. I expect my workstation to be supportive of all my efforts and in exchange I maintain it well and protect it from evil doers intent on hijacking its resources.

My PC is part of a robust wired network. I’ve considered running wireless, but such a network setup would be too slow and lack adequate security for my needs. However, a couple of years ago, I did switch over to a wireless keyboard and mouse. Advertised as simple to use and convenient, there were so many nice looking wireless peripherals on the market that it seemed like a good idea to cut the cable.

I quickly discovered that my wireless keyboard and mouse had insatiable appetites for batteries. After going through the fiasco early one morning of tearing apart other devices in search of viable double-A power, I became an Energizer addict. Anyone attempting to borrow a battery from my private stash was deterred by the skull and crossbones warning sign taped to the package. But despite my every effort to be proactive in changing the keyboard’s batteries, at the most inconvenient moments, “low power” messages would still flash on my computer’s screen.

In addition to battery problems, I struggled off and on with interference issues between my PC input devices and other wireless hardware. If it’s necessary to stay close to the Bluetooth dongle to keep a keyboard functional then why use wireless? And for gaming, the wireless mouse was a big disappointment. But after spending nearly $150 for the keyboard and mouse, I hated to abandon them. I reasoned with myself that my performance expectations must be irrational. I did have this nagging thought though that technology is supposed to result in simplicity not stress, and my keyboard was a constant source of anxiety.

Then on Saturday, my wireless angst reached its peak. I decided to pay some bills online. It was an activity that should take less than 15 minutes — with a little cooperation from my keyboard, but of course, that was too much to expect. I changed the keyboard’s batteries. I ran a diagnostic. I restarted the PC. I removed every other wireless device from the room. I forced an anti-virus scan. After each attempt at a fix, the keyboard would work for a minute or two and then quit. I cleaned it. I changed the batteries again. It was still gimpy. I smacked the keyboard hard against the table. It worked for a while after that. I paid the bills and started on my e-mail. Then the keyboard quit again and once again I bashed it against the table. Nothing. It wouldn’t type. A few more smacks on the table and the keyboard was in pieces. I left it there and went to have a cup of tea.

Hearing about the incident, my husband arrived a few hours later with a new keyboard, complete with a USB cable extender. To his credit, he did not suggest that I enroll in an anger management seminar. As I plugged the cable into the back of my PC I actually felt relieved. Technology is supposed to enable not disable — and I won’t miss buying all those batteries either.