- The Dubai-based performance strategist and advisor talks growth, loyalty, and ego
DUBAI: I love Tony Robbins. His work is incredible. I use some of his work in my coaching. I have my own IP, but he’s the greatest. He’s the original self-development guy, to me.
I love watching transformation in others because I’ve had such transformation in my own life. I was always outgoing and a people person, but, growing up, I had so many insecurities and didn’t feel good enough. The missing piece was about feeling comfortable in my own skin. So to watch people transform and shift and get results is the greatest gift.
I spend so much of my time helping and, to me, it’s not work. People know they can call me and say, ‘Rola, I need help.’ I love connecting and talking through how we can grow and improve — not just professionally, but across the board. How do we become better people? How do we give back better? How do we show up energetically? That is the most fun: to sit around and talk with friends about how we improve.
People think I’m very intense. What they don’t realize is that I’m so playful, and there’s a part of me that’s also very sensitive. So even though I come across as so strong and intense, there’s this other side that’s still like a teenager. I don’t think everybody gets to see that or really understand it.
It’s so important to lead with warmth. I once did a live training session and, because of a previous meeting, I came in thinking the “problem child” of the company was the group that I was training. I found out later that it was a different department. So, going in, I was intensely wanting them to have a transformation versus connecting to them first. I came in so bossy, too strong, and they thought I was a narcissist, which is so far from the truth. It was really unfortunate. The feedback after the training was, “We loved the information. We don’t like her.” It was a huge lesson. Don’t want the transformation more than they do. Lead with just caring first.
Whatever your belief is, that’s going to be ‘the truth’ for you. So, you’ve got to analyze your stories and how you frame things, because that belief system is going to direct your life.
The advice “Just be yourself” is a half-truth. There are so many versions of who we are. “Just be yourself” is like, “Which version am I picking today?” It doesn’t necessarily support how to show up for something. Lead with the intention of how you want to leave at the end, and if you do that, that will be the best version of you. The worst version is to not lead with intention.
The most important thing in any relationship is loyalty. And what I mean by that is that someone loves you so much that if you’re not in the room and someone says anything about you that is not like positive, they’ll be on your team and say “No.” They know you, they know your heart, your intention and they will speak up for you.
Ego is the biggest reason men struggle. It causes them not to listen. They can get all this information and ideas from their teams, but because their ego is in the way, they don’t allow growth to happen; they think they know better. So conversations don’t flow, and then the team doesn’t feel valued, and the team doesn’t grow. So that ego really starts to negatively affect who they’re working with.
Egotists, typically, are looking for validation. So start with proper warmth — give credit and let them know they are valued. Let them feel acknowledged, and then softly offer suggestions through questioning. How to lead someone is to ask the right questions so that they come to the conclusion themselves.
Women — not all women, of course — tend to be compassionate and allow people to be in the space that they’re in with maybe a little less judgment. I can only really speak for myself, I guess, but I would say be open minded, allow a person to be where they are, and then lead them to where it’s going to help them most. And that requires patience, compassion, and humility. Because we need to be in a space where we allow the other person to be celebrated, the other person to feel good and safe. If they don’t, there’s no chance that you’re going to get the best out of that person.
