I’m tired of hearing women go on and on about how hard it is for them in Pakistan, what with all the harassment, sexual abuse and general misogyny. I’m tired of all these placards and shrill slogans calling attention to an epidemic of sexual violence and asking for, of all things, a modicum of bodily autonomy.
Well, what about the crisis of identity caused by the mixed messages that men get all the time
I mean, are we a line of ants driven towards an unwrapped lollipop that someone has carelessly dropped on the floor? Are we wild dogs irresistibly drawn to a piece of raw meat left unguarded? Or are we in fact, flies flocking to feast on a peeled banana? The mystery deepens when we ask who exactly is leaving all these perfectly good snacks just lying around.
Recently, one reporter for an online news channel put on a live demonstration to validate Prime Minister Imran Khan’s comments on rape and women’s clothing.
Dramatically, he unwrapped a piece of candy, dropped it on the floor and declared that the unwrapped piece was now going to attract bacteria and germs and thus no one would want to eat it... as opposed to pure and pristine wrapped candy.
Most of us, and I include myself in this, have grown up socialized to believe that rape is primarily a crime of ‘passion’, involving a loss of control over male impulses in the face of temptation.
Zarrar Khuhro
This modest candy will be unwrapped, chewed and eventually spat out or swallowed after it has lost all flavor. Who can argue, after all, that such a fate is what all women aspire towards?
The most important takeaway for me here is that men are now... bacteria. Indeed, men have to bear so much calumny that it’s enough to make me deliberately pick all the images that do not show a bus or a crosswalk in a desperate attempt to prove to the CAPTCHA people that I am indeed a robot.
Then there’s the question of temptation, which we are told is everywhere and solely the responsibility of any scantily-clad women that throng the streets, bazaars and beaches of Pakistan. We’re asked, how can this not raise levels of national frustration, which are then vented out on women and girls, men and boys and sometimes even corpses and farm animals?
It appears somebody is always at fault, except it is never the fault of the actual rapist, harasser or abuser acting out in the face of irresistible temptation.
The fact that these temptations exist solely in the imagination only increases the burden on men. When the problem exists wholly and solely in the mind’s eye, then a far deeper cleansing is needed.
And that’s the hard part, because it entails introspection and perhaps even an admission of guilt. Most of us, and I include myself in this, have grown up socialized to believe that rape is primarily a crime of ‘passion’, involving a loss of control over male impulses in the face of temptation.
This is a message that most of us have imbibed from childhood, and it is indeed a seductive one because it absolves us men of all responsibility. But the thing is that as you grow and learn (as you should) you realise that the facts on the ground do not support this; once you examine the actual cases, the actual dynamics and atrocities, you understand that what you were taught was wrong and it was cowardice. Yes, rape is sexual but mainly to the extent that sex is used as a weapon, the male body is used as a weapon and the purpose is to exercise dominance and control.
Acknowledging this is painful because you have to give up the comfortable notions that you had previously accepted as gospel truth, notions you had imbibed from elders, peers and society. You may even have to acknowledge that people you otherwise oppose on ideological grounds could be right. To the small-minded this is impossible, because it would shatter their fragile self-image.
To be able to introspect to that degree, to be able to unlearn and reject your own beliefs requires courage, and while courage is indeed a ‘manly’ trait, it’s a shame that so few of us possess it.
– Zarrar Khuhro is a Pakistani journalist who has worked extensively in both the print and electronic media industry. He is currently hosting a talk show on Dawn News.
Twitter: @ZarrarKhuhro
