Why I will never delete Asma Jehangir’s number

I heard her voice for the first time around eight years ago. I was working for a Pakistani news channel as live News producer and wanted to take her beeper on a human rights issue.

Asma Jehangir – Pakistan’s globally known champion of human rights and acclaimed lawyer – picked up the phone in just the second ring. She sounded strong, courteous but straightforward.

When I requested her to speak to our anchor for few minutes, she said: “I will, but please respect my time and your time. Don’t hold me for too long. I have to reach in time for a street protest.”

One of my colleagues described her as rude but for me she was nothing but honest and disciplined. When she went live; she spoke bluntly on the subject, exactly as we had expected – articulate and fearless.

While all this was going on in the studio, I developed this nagging feeling, why hasn’t God given me the same strength – to be as fearless and forthright as Asma was.

But perhaps, such attributes are reserved for extraordinary people tasked with greater responsibilities and larger empathy.

I have grown up reading and listening to stories about Asma Jahangir. I always envied her charisma. Even her minor quotes in newspapers made bold statements. She came across as a simple woman trying to accomplish the extraordinary. At the level of discourse, you could love or hate her but never ignore her.

Middle class conscience

Some segments of the middle class society I knew in Karachi hated her guts. Whenever I praised her daring attitude, they would discourage me, as if it was a sin to even talk about a woman like her.

And when I started becoming more aware of our social dynamics, I stopped discussing these things publicly. After all, it was then a society obsessed about idealizing “pure submissive women” both at home and in public space.

However, I continued to draw inspiration from Asma Jehangir and it was growing. I wanted to meet her, spend time with her and be exactly like her. But I never got the chance.

It probably didn’t happen because I lived in Karachi and she was based in Lahore or may be because I was often told that she is just a publicity-seeker and shouldn’t be held in such high regard.

I must confess that I never gathered the courage to share my inspiration for Asma with anyone, not even with myself.

At some stage, I realized that we were probably scared of this lean yet powerful woman who could ride head and shoulders above others by just speaking the truth.

It was always at the back of our minds that she would hit our collective conscience with her fearless struggle against injustice and we will all feel guilty just because we don’t work like her, fearlessly and purposefully.

Being judgmental

I have encountered numerous women – mostly educated ones – who wouldn’t help their neighbor or contribute to society in any way but would always be judgmental about Asma Jehangir.

Like millions of others, my relationship with Asma Jehangir was only via newspapers and television. Yet in her death, I seemed to have lost a mother-like figure. I cried for her because the nation had lost someone who could fight for the poorest of the poor and not just for their friends and family.

Let me share another secret. I always kept Asma’s mobile number and email ID in my phone book because I somehow knew that if ever I will be in trouble anywhere,  I can always reach out to her for help.

Now that it wasn’t required, I will probably never delete her number because, I sincerely believe, you don’t have know people like Asma Jehangir to be inspired by them. She will continue to inspire us and I will continue to keep her number.

Amna Ehtesham Khaishgi is a journalist, broadcaster and documentary filmmaker.