Statistics have proven that 30 percent of marriages that happen in the beginning of the year end up in divorce by the end of the same year. It’s an alarming situation that can defeat the toughest organization in any society. We need serious researchers dedicated to investigating this phenomenon scientifically and socially.
Let us look into some of the reasons for divorce. This might be a primitive method because it’s not based on research, but maybe someone might take the initiative to start a detailed study about divorce after reading this article.
A lot of people visit my office for family counseling or psychological treatment. Their problems are usually caused by certain factors, which I’ll mention briefly.
Sometimes couples, especially in rural areas, live in their romantic, imaginary world of marriage and they overburden themselves trying to bring this utopia to reality. The situation is worse when the woman had been raised in an emotionless environment inside her parents’ home. She can be desperate to repair the damage caused by neglect and marginalization in her formative years with demands on her husband’s love, putting the marriage under pressure. In psychotherapy we categorize this marriage as a stressor, which means a pressuring shock.
It’s definitely a shock because a young man and a young woman who once lived freely and independently are put together in a relationship without having to know anything about each other. John Gray, the well-known physiatrist, referred to such relationships as “men are from Mars and women are from Venus”.
Habitual, characteristic, cultural and family differences are all basic factors that cause marriage problems. On the other hand, the rosy images that any married couple have in mind before experiencing the true reality of marriage cause conflicts too.
The lack of responsibility is another major issue that affects most marriages. The new generation is brought up without a lot of emphasis from parents on how to handle everyday life’s needs. In spite of the fact that this new generation has more exposure and openness, unfortunately, they are not taught how to be responsible about their own lives.
A lot of men consider marriage as an adventure, which they are eager to experience. In the absence of any religious and moral principles, men think of an alternative for marriage whenever problems occur. They show no respect and care for their wives and the relationship begins to fall apart. Divorce, of course, is the end in such situations.
Family interference, especially when the goal anticipated out of marriage is financial security, is another reason for divorce. Fathers use their young daughters by marrying them to older, rich people, and sometimes men are after their wives’ monthly income.
I have been witnessing a new problem among my patients, which is role conflict. The workingwoman wants to take her rest at night to be able to accomplish her duties and look after her children and family. The careless husband doesn’t fit into this cycle with his late evenings and gatherings. So he tries to escape and run away from family demands by choosing divorce as a solution.
Marriage isn’t easy. The problems that can arise in all kinds of marriages are universal. Like everywhere else, the best way to confront marital problems in our society is in a metered and mature manner.
