When women say to their husband, “Do I look fat?” or “Does my bottom look big in this?” what they are really saying is “My confidence is low, I am unhappy with my figure and my weight.” What they are not asking for is an honest assessment of their weight gain. In order to help, you can motivate your partner to lose weight or to join a gym. But you need to accept that maybe the overweight person does not have the confidence to join a gym.

Lack of self-confidence affects a person trying to move forwards and affects relationships. The overweight feel that their partner may leave them because they perceive themselves unattractive. Being overweight is painful. Change comes from the inside, so help by building your partner’s self-esteem. Compliment them on their good points, on their beautiful eyes, beautiful hair, and encourage their talents. Give them support in what they want to do and show them how much you value them and that you are proud of them.

If you put pressure on your partner to lose weight, you may cause them to feel more depressed about their problem, which could lead them to turn back to food. If you really care, you will not let your partner make this journey alone. Telling your partner that they look fat is being unkind. Join them on their quest to achieve a healthy way of eating. Join them in a daily walk or a trip to the gym. Give them the time and space to take exercise at home. Take time to show your real interest and to discuss with your partner why food is so important to them. Learn what the triggers are that cause them to overeat. Most of all, help raise your partner’s self esteem by giving unconditional love and affection — the kind they probably give to you. This is the support they need.

Join Me in My Weekly Task

Take some exercise every day.

Why? Moderate activity at least 5 days a week significantly improves health and well-being. It also keeps the body looking toned.

How? Try a variety of these moderate activities 5 days a week — Walking — Table tennis — Swimming — Exercise with a video — Mini-morning workout.

Recipe of the Week

Fettuccine with Chicken, Sundried Tomatoes, Basil and Pine Nuts

Serves 6

Ingredients

600 g boneless, skinless chicken cutlets, cut into strips

salt to taste

freshly ground black pepper

3 tbs. olive oil

3 cloves garlic, minced

1 cup sun-dried tomatoes, rehydrated and sliced

1 cup low-sodium chicken broth

1/3 cup basil leaves, chopped

1/3 cup toasted pine nuts

3 tbs. fresh lemon juice

500 g fettuccine

Method

Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil for the pasta. Season the chicken with salt and pepper. Heat the olive oil in a large non-stick skillet over high heat and sauté the chicken on both sides until it is golden brown. Add the garlic and cook for 1 more minute. Transfer the chicken to a warm plate and keep warm. Turn the heat to medium and add the sun-dried tomatoes and the chicken broth and simmer for 5 minutes. Add the basil, pine nuts and lemon juice. Meanwhile, cook the pasta (in the boiling water) until it is al dente. Drain and toss with the sun-dried tomato mixture. Divide the pasta among the serving plates and arrange the chicken on top.

Ask Alva

I am a hypersensitive person aged 37 weighing

60 kilos and 5’1” tall. I am trying to lose weight by not eating after 6 p.m. What is really my ideal weight and what form of exercise should I do? I have a bulging stomach and I want to get rid of it and that is why I don’t eat after 6 p.m. Please advise. Gemini Girl

Your BMI is 24 which means your weight is within the normal range for good health, but you could stand to lose 5 kilos if you choose to. Eating after 6 p.m. shouldn’t affect your stomach bulging, but it is better to eat a light meal in the evening. Try doing some curls and crunches to tone up your stomach. You can email to [email protected] for a free copy of my Tummy Toner exercises. Alva