FOR SOME TIME I lived in a very green area near the sea. I was then used to daily seeing two kinds of birds: The all-white (or light gray) seagulls and the all-black crows. Such well defined contrast in the colors of their feathers always reminded me of a nice little story narrated by one of my favorite authors, Anthony de Mello, SJ. Here it goes. One day a religious person visited an elementary school and lectured the children about “good” and “bad”. He also said that white represented good and black represented bad. Then he asked each child about how they saw themselves, “Do you believe you are white (= good) or black (= bad)?”. The children answered by choosing one color or the other. Only one (definitely the wisest) declared, “I believe I am striped.”
What an answer! Human beings more often than not tend to stereotype the views they have of their fellows and put them into specific categories. They stick a label on them and ... that's it. Marked for life.... He is stingy. She is vain. They are show-offs. He is a clown. She isn't capable ... They aren’t reliable … and so on and so forth.
Do you ever take the time, do you even care to find out who and what “they” (your relatives, friends, co-workers, neighbors, others in general) really are? I am sure that, if I had the possibility to examine a seagull in detail, I would find that it is not “totally” white, as almost surely a crow is not a hundred per cent black. Maybe just one feather is slightly lighter or darker. That's enough to make the card castle of your judgments collapse. Nothing and nobody is one hundred per cent “anything”.
What a lesson to be learned there is here! You might find that much too often do I write about the subject “judging” but, believe me, this is the “root of all evils”. Such topic, therefore, deserves to be thought about quite a lot, examining all its facets and particularly the way they manifest in your own life. The fact is that, when you judge others, you also judge yourself. And judging yourself has a hybrid connotation. You may believe that you are always right, that your opinions are the best, that you are the one always in charge and in control. And you portray yourself to the world as “arrogant”. On the other hand, you might have a low opinion of your capabilities, you see yourself as a weak individual, the powerless appointed victim everyone takes advantage of. And you portray yourself (and this is also the way others will perceive you) as the “submissive” type that never says no.
It is also possible that, while showing the world a specific belief about yourself such as, for example, “I am strong and determined”, deep inside you think you are the contrary. Your life is thus lived in a constant turmoil,in a whirlwind created by the opposite beliefs you shelter within yourself.
As the world is based on contrasting opposites, nothing is ever “all” something or another. What to do? Simply accept this truth and deal with it in the best possible way. Acknowledge your weak points along with your strengths. The certitude that you are not alone, that everybody else is just like you will support, sustain and encourage you to admit who you really are. Once you recognize this about yourself, with neither shame nor condemnation, you will be able to see the same in your fellow humans as well.
Learn to be lenient. Leniency is a positive characteristic that not all people possess. It's a virtue that makes you inclined not to be harsh, it encourages you to be merciful and indulgent. While you define another “black”, do you really believe that you, yourself, are “totally white”? So ... how would you like to be judged by others? How do you think you might be judged by others? If you are prone to forgive in order to be forgiven, be also aware of the importance of not judging negatively, if you don’t want to be misjudged yourself.
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Creative Thinking: Seagulls and crows
