Problems in marriage are not unusual but some marriages have more problems than others. Here in Saudi Arabia, there is one particular marriage which generates a number of problems. That is between a Saudi woman and a non-Saudi man. The other side of the coin — a Saudi man married to a non-Saudi woman — is far less problematic. To begin with, any children of a Saudi man are entitled to Saudi nationality; that is not the case with the children of a Saudi woman married to a non-Saudi man.
In a traditional society where the family is the primary source of stability, order and acceptability, it is hard to go against the norm and still feel accepted. Saudi society has always been tolerant of Muslim foreigners of all nationalities. That said, it remains difficult for non-Saudis to gain full acceptance in a Saudi family.
This is where we see the beginning of concerns faced by Saudi women who marry non-Saudis. The problem with these mixed marriages starts with family approval which, in most cases, is hard to obtain. Then there is the official permission which may take months or, in some cases, years to come through. Once the various permissions have been given, the obstructions are still not over. Only the first hurdle has been cleared. The next problem comes with the children of these mixed marriages: problems of nationality, iqamas and even general social acceptability.
Admittedly, some of the cases fail and cause friction in families, and children and wives suffer as a result. Maybe that’s the main reason official permission takes a long time to obtain. The general view for the delay is that the authorities believe in giving the woman and her family time to consider the kind of difficulties that might arise.
Nadia, a Saudi teacher married to an Egyptian doctor, believes her case is extraordinarily complicated. She suffers a great deal from living apart from her husband and children. According to her, at the beginning it was difficult to convince her father, who was open-minded, to accept that he might have to lose his beloved daughter to anyone who might take her away from him. In her case, her family — especially her father — didn’t trust her husband. “My husband had to sign a paper saying that he would never take me or my children out of Saudi Arabia. This has made my husband very uncomfortable with my family to this very day. At one time, he had to go to the States and I went with him for a few years. Our children were born there and when we decided to return to Saudi Arabia, there was the problem of finding a job for him. He found one in the end but in another city; I could not give up my job so now we live apart for most of the year. He still feels insecure about his work and feels that if he has to leave the country, he will also have to leave his children.”
Nadia’s main problem now concerns her sons who are in college in the United States. She still has the same old problems of renewing iqamas for them and also of convincing them to visit her. “Why can’t my children have my nationality?” she asks with understandable bitterness.
Fawzia, a university teacher, on the other hand, says that her family has been very supportive and that she has not experienced problems of family acceptance. Some relatives, however, still seem uncomfortable with her choice of a husband. Though her immediate family is supportive, Fawzia does have some difficulties. “I lived in horror for 10 years. I was constantly afraid that my husband’s contract might not be renewed and that he might have to leave the country. I got permission, both family and official, for my marriage and everything is perfectly legal and correct but somehow there still remain these obstacles which threaten it.”
Fawzia has been unable to find an answer to the question: “Why can’t I sponsor my husband? That way, if he doesn’t have a job for a while, he can still be with me and our children.” This is the main reason that makes her sometimes want to leave the country and go with her husband to a place where they can all live together trouble-free. She reflects sadly: “I’m Saudi; I was educated here and I have a job in which I serve my society. Why can’t I have the chance to prove that my marriage can work without having the extra problems of all these legal restrictions?”
Fawzia makes a strong point: “Marrying a non-Saudi is not doomed to failure by its nature; if the marriage fails, it is only because of the obstacles it must overcome.”
Maha’s story is similar though in her case her family’s apprehension was very high since she wanted to marry an Irish man. “People seem unable to accept the idea of a Saudi woman marrying a non-Saudi. They always ask why you want to marry a foreigner,” she says. “Legal permission took six months to come but I know it was delayed for my protection and to avoid possible marital problems but the choice should always be mine.”
At first, Maha’s family would not agree to her marriage. They felt it would be very difficult to face society if their daughter married a European. “Now things are much easier and they all love him as I knew they would,” she says with relief.
Maha doesn’t have children yet but she thinks that whatever happens, her children will have a chance to go to their father’s country. “I don’t see problems with my children’s future life here. They will always have the choice of going to their father’s country if they want. Obtaining Saudi citizenship for them would certainly help them but they will manage without it.”
It is worth noting that these marriages are successful despite the problems that sometimes threaten to engulf them — or maybe because of them. All these women work hard to enhance their lives and stick to their choices. There are of course other cases in which the marriage does not succeed for a variety of reasons. Nadia’s question remains one which all Saudi women in mixed marriages would echo. And in the question, the solution is clear: “Why can’t Saudi women who marry foreigners have the same rights as Saudi men who do?”
