THE sign at city limits reads: “Welcome to Bump City. Thrilling rides, spills and delights, excitement and adventure. All for Free. Forget Space Mountain and Euro Disney. Get your thrills right here by going over every speed bump in Jeddah. Just to point you in the right direction, here is a map of where you will find the best ones.”
“P.S.: We apologize for any that aren’t marked on the printed version — you will find the latest update on our website: www.thingsthatgo bumpinthenight.com.”
What has happened to our fair city? The only explanation that I can offer you is that a sadistic little elf (who maybe hasn’t been paid his salary for several months) is going around the streets in the middle of the night, on a little truck, gleefully making “little” bumps in the road. Though “bumps” is too harmless a noun for what these things really are. Theories abound and some have gone as far as to suggest that these speed bumps are a conspiracy by car companies and automobile repair shops to ruin our cars and make us buy a new one or spend fortunes repairing the ones we have.
No matter what you call them, they exist everywhere and there are rules and regulations, definite engineering codes and specifications for speed bumps. According to the ministry, the length of a speed bump should be 3.65 meters and its height should not exceed 10 centimeters. The curve should be smooth and not jarring. These specifications, however, seem to have gone unnoticed by much of the population. Even untrained eyes can see that neither their heights nor widths conform to the agreed specifications. Further, none of them are marked or signposted so that at night, these speed bumps become even more hazardous for driving than the high beams shining so mercilessly and inconsiderately into your eyes. Instead you will often drive across sky-high up/down bumps that jar your head against the ceiling of the car, or negotiate a series of four/five speed bumps that have you zigzagging from one side of the street to the other. Then come the real horrors, speed bumps so wide they are more like ramps and driving across them will cause you to scrape the bottom of your low-slung car.
Speeds bumps are meant, as their names imply, to reduce the speed of a car — not to bring it to a complete standstill! And on major roads no less. Someone is confusing speed bumps with stop signs! Further, instead of confining the bumps to side streets where there are schools or hospitals — i.e. real danger where pedestrians are walking around — speed bumps are being used more like hints: “Can you guess which Very Important Person lives here?”
Until someone enforces the rules and regulations, however, I see no end in sight to this particular roller coaster ride. Perhaps, as in “The Quick & the Dead,” we should look into hiring a professional to take out the malicious elf wreaking havoc on our streets? Anyone with other suggestions should write to — BUMPS (Brothers Unite to Make our Pathways Safe).