DAMMAM, 9 December — The unthinkable is happening now! The marriage of two people who are in fact complete strangers! It is not that strangers have not married in the past. In Asian middle class society, it is — and has been — customary. The two individuals may not have known one another but they always had certain things in common. To most Westerners, it comes as a shock to learn that a man and woman had never met until their wedding day. Such marriages were essentially family affairs; the bride and groom certainly knew about one another and their families came from a similar social and cultural background.
And then came the Internet. Initially, users thought of little beyond flirtation with deception and disguise the norm. A 45-year-old man logged in as an unmarried 25 year-old just to "have fun" with supposedly teenaged girls. Women of course did the same thing; some men logged in as women and vice versa: they said they were exploring the human mind and all went on in the name of chatting.
In the midst of all this deception and disguise, there does exist some honesty. Some people are genuinely seeking a suitable match and a life-long partner. In cyber-language the term is "looking for" and it is more common among Asians than among Westerners though Asia is a comparatively closed society. Young people may not date in the Western sense but they are enthusiastic chatters. A keen UAE chatter, for example, recently married an Indian girl from Jeddah. Their marriage was the result of many chat sessions over several months and both were lucky to have the consent and blessings of their families. Meeting on chat sites is not unlike dating; the chatter explores sites in search of a soul-mate. Once a one-to-one relationship is established, long and detailed sessions begin. The first task for them is to shed deception and let each know the minute truths about one another.
It seems that Indian and Pakistani chatters prefer non-residents — people from India or Pakistan who are living abroad. A male looks for a bride in the UK or USA in order to get legal permission to live in those countries. A woman in India or Pakistan is of course attracted by the different way of life in the West, its luxuries and the availability of consumer goods.
The opposite is also true. Many girls of Asian origin in Britain, Canada or the US look for suitable matches in their ancestral homelands. A Pakistani girl in New York is looking for a man in Lahore. According to her, "cultural and linguistic compatibility is an essential ingredient for a successful marriage."
Internet love and marriage caught the attention of the public in India with the film " Dil Hi Dil Mein" (Only in the Heart). The plot revolves around two young people who meet on the Net and fall in love. In addition, an advertisement for an international soft drink also featured two chatters who fall in love and decide to leave cyberspace and meet in person.
It looks as if Internet chatting and marriages which grow out of them are a new phenomenon but one which will last. What do parents think about it? According to an Indian housewife whose daughter is infatuated with a young man in Canada, "it is a very safe way to allow our children to look for matches. We give them a certain amount of liberty but at the same time, there is a total absence of physical contact and its obvious dangers. The way things are going with our daughter, marriage looks certain. We have even talked to the boy’s parents."
No doubt if sincerity and honesty prevail, then society will get a chance for "safe openness." If, however, deception and falsehood prevail, there will be thousands of disappointed young men and women all over the world.
