Arab society is wrong in being unkind and harsh to divorced women. It regards them as "secondhand" but how can a woman be secondhand? A young woman recently wrote to me she was divorced at the age of 29 after 16 years of marriage. Her husband was twice her age and he agreed to divorce her after some hard bargaining for an amount which would suffice for a dowry for a new wife.
She wrote: "My family accepted his terms and paid the money for my release. After divorce I resumed my studies and became a doctor. Now I work in a government hospital.
By temperament I am emotional, sensitive, kind-hearted, amiable, self-sacrificing and willing to spend my time and money for others. I love poetry, literature, books, magazines and old Arabic films. I also love travel and horseback riding. I like children and hope to have 12 children at the least.
"A negative point in my personality is I stick obstinately to my decisions. I don’t like large gathering and celebrations as I prefer solitude. I wish I were living in the age of chivalry. Now I am ready to marry but only married men are interested in me. They want me as a second wife — either the first wife is illiterate and he wants an educated one for a change or he does not love his present wife and wants me for a lover."
The core problem she faces is that she is seen as a "secondhand" woman because she is divorced. Men will seek her hand only if unmarried girls are not available. In reality, the descriptions of a "secondhand" woman do not fit her. She was forced into marriage at an age when she did not know what marriage was. Though she was married, she lived with her husband for only a few months and forgot what happened in that time. Child marriages, as we know, occur despite the efforts of social reformers.
In my view, a divorced woman is preferable to an unmarried woman because a woman who has been married is experienced in family matters. She is aware of the importance of a healthy married life and knows how to steer clear of dangerous situations. She is also a good housewife.
On the contrary, a woman who has never been married will need training in the wife’s role. We should follow the same principle an employer follows when he is looking for a new worker. He prefers people with experience and chooses the most experienced worker.
I warned the young woman that she should not choose a man who sees her as "secondhand" because it is degrading to her. I believe that there are plenty of men who will value her excellent qualities and be happy to have her as his partner for life.
