JEDDAH, 8 April 2003 — Women teachers are in great demand in the marriage market. Saudi men want to marry them to get their hands on the salaries they earn. But as the demand for wives increases, the unmarried teachers are smelling a rat. An alliance bereft of either feelings or love is not their idea of marriage.
Badriya Al-Odwani, a high school teacher, told Al-Madinah daily that she thinks it “truly sad” to see so many unemployed men marrying teachers or working women because of their salaries.
“I do not think this kind of marriage can last because there is no love in it,” she added. “I’m also sad to see so many teachers marrying these men only for the sake of finding a husband before they reach their sell-by date. It may be too late for me to get married, but I’m not going to marry just anyone. Most of them are only after my salary. I want to marry a man who loves me and respects me as a person.”
Nourah Al-Kholi, another teacher, echoed Badriya’s sentiments.
“I want to marry and have a husband, not a cash collector,” she insisted. “I think a marriage for money will fail before it begins. I don’t want to feel like I’m being used, with my husband not looking at me as a wife but as one who hands money over to him every month. I have friends who have these kinds of marriages and they have all failed. Most of the women escaped though they lost everything. Some men invent new ways to torture their wives; they set a huge price for a divorce and will only grant one if the woman pays them. A woman who wants to get out of that hell must manage to pay the money by hook or crook. Most emphatically, this is not the kind of marriage women dream of.”
Dalal, a middle school teacher, has a different view.
“It is too late for me to get married, but I still dream of a man who will marry me and love me,” she told Al-Madinah. “I will give him everything he wants, even my salary at the end of each month. I will buy him a car if he wants one. I am sure love will come after marriage. All what I want is a husband and a child.”
Sarah Al-Ali, also a teacher, was appalled at the idea of her husband taking part of her salary.
“He must be satisfied with what I give him,” she argued. “I hate to be forced into anything. I will give him some of my money if he needs it. I will buy him a car if he needs one too, but I will not take full financial responsibility for him and the household. I will not buy him a house and a piece of land because I am sure he will soon take another wife.”
According to a Saudi sociologist, it is very strange to see young unemployed men wanting to marry teachers and employed women for their money. “This is very strange in our society. I think unemployment plus the large number of unmarried women in our society drive some women to agree to this kind of marriage,” he said. “Because of unemployment and because they cannot afford to marry, most men want an employed wife. I support marriage where both husband and wife share financial responsibilities but when marriage is based on exploitation of wife by husband, then it is bound to fail. Marriage must be based on love, because money can go at anytime — all that is left is love.”
Al-Madinah also spoke to some men on this subject.
“I want to marry an employed woman because I am unemployed and cannot find a job,” one of them said. “I cannot marry an unemployed girl because unemployed couples are doomed. How could we support ourselves and how could we eat? All we could do as long as we are unemployed is sit, looking at each other and clap our hands! I think there are many women who would sacrifice some of their money to get a husband like me before it is too late for them to marry.”
“I wish I could marry an employed woman who would help me out of my financial problems,” admitted Hassan Al-Saleh. “I’m in debt and cannot afford to marry an unemployed woman. I am not saying that I would depend on her for everything and take all her salary. We could build a family together because helping each other is what marriage is all about.”
