Many people spoke about the role and responsibility of politicians, the media, intellectuals and scholars in the emergence of terrorist groups that carried out the attacks on Sept. 11, 2001 in the United States.
After the latest act in Riyadh, people again accused the same people of having a hand in the rise of these terrorists and spread of extremist thoughts.
Although most of these opinions are true, in my opinion the biggest responsibility falls on a group that is not mentioned. They are the main elements in creating these terrorists; they are women, wives and mothers.
When I looked at the conversation of the mothers and wives of Sept. 11 terrorists and the families of the members of the terrorist cell that was exposed in Riyadh, I repeatedly heard them say that their son’s or husband’s personality and behavior had not changed until they got involved in a group that led them astray. They said that they isolated themselves in their last days before the terrorist attacks. These conversations show what weak relationships some parents have with their children. How could a mother not notice the changes in her son’s behavior? Where was her sense? Is it possible for a son or a husband to become a terrorist in one day without the mother or the wife noticing?
Why did the women not take a more active role when they sensed that there was something wrong with their husband or their son. Why do mothers not care about their sons’ change in personality? How can a mother not know where her son spends his free time, and with whom? Why did she not act immediately when she saw the terrorist ideas getting into her son’s head?
I do not believe that they simply did not notice, especially since it is known to everybody that there are groups who sympathize with terrorists in our society and that these groups have a dangerous influence on our teenagers. How could the mother let her son die in these terrorist acts?
The only possible conclusion is that there is something wrong with the way the mothers raised their children and in their relationship with them. Of course the father also shares the responsibility.
But the absence of the mother’s primary role in her son’s life led to her losing any influence she might have on her son. Mothers should concentrate on being close to their children rather than merely paying attention to clothing and feeding them. The mother must make her child feel that she is close to him whenever he needs her. To turn to her whenever he needs guidance. The mother should be there to protect him from any bad influence that he might be exposed to.
What happened should make many mothers review the way they raise their children. They should not stick to the old-fashioned ways of raising children but try more modern approaches that take account of the insights of psychology.
Many mothers make the mistake of dealing with their children violently. As a result, many children do not express their feelings to their mothers, and when they grow up they do not express their feelings to their wives. That mistake needs to be corrected from the beginning. Mothers should embrace their children in the family and teach them the importance of keeping their distance from dangerous ideas.
Arab News Features 23 May 2003
