In a campaign to dissuade Saudi men from marrying women from abroad, a whole study of the drawbacks of such relationships was printed in local newspapers. The study basically follows failed marriages between Saudis and non-Saudis and stressed that the men should think more before deciding to marry someone from outside their country. Going through the list of problems, it seems that all marriages to non-Saudis are doomed to failure. I am not saying that the cases the study cites are wrong. But a notable absence of successful cases and a tone of warning that runs through the study make you wonder if there is another side to the story.
The study only concentrates on the negative aspects; but how about all those successful marriages between Saudi men and foreign women? Big families in this country are proud of their mothers or grandmothers who came from distant countries and settled here with their husbands and became exemplary members of society. Those people must feel offended when such a study is published.
An Arab News reader objected to the logic behind the campaign, saying: “I cannot comprehend that in today’s new spirit of ‘Saudi openness’ such an idea can be touted.” Another reader, by contrast, said that it was difficult for her and that she doesn’t advise mixed marriages.
To be fair to both sides, yes, there are cases that work and others that do not, and this happens everywhere in the world. All we have to do is find out where we are going wrong and come up with solutions to what we think is going wrong. The logic that something should be avoided because it might go wrong doesn’t help here.
Looking at the picture from a distance, when a Saudi man decides to take a wife, Saudi or not, he has to measure the success rate of such alliances. And if he encounters problems after that, it remains his own responsibility. Marrying a Saudi might be a good idea sometimes, but it is not always a recipe for success. The high divorce rate in this country says much more than words. Dysfunctional families exist here too. It is not only when a man marries someone from abroad that problems occur. If he marries someone from another city, differences are bound to come out. Even between families that do not share the same ideas and cultural background, differences are bound to appear, and divorce occurs and children suffer the same way. So maybe men should marry only their own close relatives and friends to avoid differences; but would that work?
There is another side to this campaign. We have to ask how many Saudi men were guilty of mistreating their foreign wives and depriving them of their children. Why is it always the other side’s fault? We have to admit to our own faults. Some of our men think that they are God’s gift to the universe, they think that they can marry whomever they want, treat them the way they want and retain every right in the world after that. This sort of mentality is there, and it is causing lots of problems. Shouldn’t our approach to other nationalities change? We have to be more realistic about our own faults before blaming them on others.
How about when our men marry abroad while studying or working and put on a modern and open-minded mask, and when they come here, they return to the traditional ways they abandoned while abroad? This double-identity thing is one of the major causes for marital problems.
And then there is the government side. The study says that when a divorce occurs and the woman leaves the country, she cannot come back unless her former husband gets her a visa, and if he refuses then she cannot see her children. Shouldn’t a woman who has children in the country be granted an open visa to come and go, so those women don’t have to go to court in their own countries to help them see their children?
The Qur’an says: “O mankind! Lo! We have created you male and female, and have made you nations and tribes that ye may know one another. Lo! The noblest of you, in the sight of Allah, is the best in conduct.” Surah al-Hujurat (49:13)
Why does that important verse in Qur’an get overlooked? The only way a society prospers is by mixing. There is always a need for new blood to ensure variety and progress.
