If all the countries of the world were to follow China’s ‘One Child Policy’ for birth control, then overnight the number of females would decline drastically while the number of males would go through the roof. This is exactly what is happening in China today, where the number of unmarried men has reached 20 million all with no hopes of finding a mate. The reason is that, to please their husbands, if the embryo turns out to be a female then the pregnant woman will usually abort. With things as they stand it is expected than in fifteen years’ time the number of Chinese men who will find no woman to marry will reach 40 million. What will be the fate of these men? No one knows, neither does it seem that the Chinese government has a plan to confront that eventuality. This demographic time bomb embodies that well-known saying: “Love Hurts” but perhaps the reader is thinking “Love kills” and that is also true. We will see this clearly in the following story — where the preference for male children is often to that child’s detriment.
While working at a center for handicapped children — I came across a young boy of no more than twelve and his tragic story. This child was the only boy in a family of five girls and thus had a special status within the family, being the “heir apparent”. He would accompany his father in his comings and goings —learning about life. The father was accustomed to placing his son beside him in the front seat of the car while the mother and daughters sat in the back. One fateful day, an accident, the boy bears the brunt of it — a blow to the head that leads to permanent physical handicap, mental retardation and speech impediment. All because he was sitting in the front seat. The women received minor injuries because they were sat in the back.
Once again, the preference for males did them a bad turn, including those who gave them exaggerated amount of attention.
If we were to consider this disparate upbringing of males in our Arab society in general and in the Gulf societies more specifically, we would see the negative effects on our young men.
For example, in some Gulf countries were girls have been allowed into all fields of education — the number of female university goers is much higher than their male counterparts. In the emirates 70 percent of college seats are females. Some men in the Gulf today suffer from narcissism arising from the way that they are brought up and the powers and authority they enjoy both inside and outside the home. As a result many of them refuse hard work and have no sense of responsibility. This kind of love harms the subject of its affection.
The story of Saddam’s sons Qusay and Uday’s and their preferred status in the eyes of their father, “the courageous leader” embodies the worst aspect of that love. Saddam ignored his daughters and spoiled his sons and the two committed all kinds of acts of violence and monstrosity.
They killed and devastated any and everyone whom they felt or suspected of disloyalty even their brothers in law. Their actions left them unloved by everyone but their father and those whose affection they bought with money and the pleasures of life.
A report broadcast by the at Arabiya last week on the life of Saddam and his family, they indicated that his daughters, bereaved after the murder of their husbands and living a comfortable life in another more welcoming country, cheered and celebrated the news in 1996 of a murder attempt on their brother Uday, which resulted in his physical handicap for a certain amount of time.
Even after recuperating he still swayed when he walked and suffered from depression for the rest of his short life (he died aged 40).
That same murderous love also did away with Qusay and his young son Mustafa who had inherited that same kind of love. All lost their lives in the same ugly manner that they normally dished out. They were besieged, bombarded by helicopters and missiles that turned them into smoldering corpses.
The father who uses this kind of smothering love in bringing up his sons giving boys unconditional power this effectively turns them into scary machines full of self-love and arrogance.
They become individuals with no humanity and grow up putting themselves before others. In conclusion, when the mate receives more than the female’s share of love, power and money, the result of that preference is pernicious and dangerous for those who are subject to that preference and everyone around them.
Fathers who spoil their sons and deny their daughters practice unhealthy behavioral education and are lacking in reason or rationality.
Before the narcissistic tendencies in the young men of our society get out of hand let us take an honest stand on the issue and search inside ourselves for the answer to this question — is the love we are showering our sons today the kind that hurts or the kind that kills?
— Wajeha Al-Huwaider holds an MA in Reading Management from George Washington University. She is based in the Eastern Province.
