WASHINGTON, 31 January 2004 — Attention, please. Here’s some truly important news from the campaign trail. One that shows without a doubt, that American journalists are working hard to uncover and report relevant stories about the Democratic presidential contenders.
What are the political sycophants intently focusing on from their on-the-road coverage? Well, the last two days have been spent ruminating over the idea that John Kerry, currently the leading contender for the Democratic presidential ticket, may have used Botox to smooth his craggy, winkled forehead.
Botox? That’s correct. Forget Iraq, US health care and the huge, problematic deficit. Boooring! What media commentators really want to know is whether Sen. Kerry smoothed his signature facial furrows with Botox — an injectable drug made from botulism bacteria that can strategically relax facial muscles for three months. (Which means, note the gossips, sorry, media, that if Kerry did indeed do it — he’ll need a fixer-upper in April).
Before-and-after photos of the Massachusetts Democrat are displayed in living color on the Drudge Report (www.drudgereport.com), and yesterday’s Washington Times says Kerry’s ‘new look’ “transformed (him) from melancholy hound dog to svelte leading man.”
Predictably, nighttime pundits have focused on these new allegations.
“John Kerry used to look like Keith Richard’s square brother who went to business school. He used to look like Andrew Jackson on the old $20 bill. Now, now he looks like Andrew Jackson on the new $20 bill,” said Colin Quinn on Comedy Central Thursday night.
Needless to say, Kerry’s campaign staff are not amused.
“There’s nothing like coming from behind and winning two very important president primaries to make somebody else look better,” said Kerry spokeswoman Stephanie Cutter, who tried explaining to the New York Daily News that the campaign wins and not Botox injections are why her boss is looking younger. “With 3 million lost jobs in America and 500 dead (American) soldiers in Iraq, you’d think that everybody would be talking about something other than Botox.”
