Recent statistics published in Al-Watan newspaper indicated that the divorce rate in Jeddah alone has reached 40 percent. In small towns near Jeddah, however, the rate is only five percent. These percentages deserve to be carefully analyzed in order to learn why there is such a difference. Also in the same paper was a comment by a well-known cleric in Jeddah saying that there were more divorced women among the educated and working women than among others. The cleric went on to say that working women “have mistaken ideas about independence, and that they do not regard the man as the controlling figure in the relationship and so they neglect their homes and concentrate on their jobs.”
There ends the man’s comment and here begins the usual discussion on who is to blame for the high divorce rate. As is usual here, women are always at fault; no matter what may happen in a relationship, the woman is always the one who is asked to make the necessary sacrifices to maintain it. “Some things never change,” I told myself.
Moving on through the paper, I found a letter from a reader who obviously found the percentage disturbing, so he had tried to make some suggestions to help decrease the rate. He gave honest and genuine suggestions of what he thought might save marriages from collapsing. He gave good suggestions such as establishing marriage-counseling offices and creating sections in courts for divorce cases. So far so good.
But among the suggestions which he repeated twice, he specified that men have to choose the right woman and that they should not be deceived by appearances. Throughout the article I did not find a single phrase or indication that a woman must also choose a good man for a husband. As if it is only the man’s problem to find a good wife!
This idea that men are never to blame for what goes wrong in a relationship is prevalent here. Women live with the idea that it is their responsibility to make the marriage work, because if anything goes wrong they are the ones to blame. A psychologist told me that Saudi women always feel guilty for not being what society wants them to be. They punish themselves by accepting abuse and insults because there is a deep inner feeling that they deserve what happens.
The case of Rania Al-Baz is only one example of how women are willing to give up their rights. Though Rania was brave to go public with her case, her comments that she is willing to forgive her husband prove the point. In earlier interviews she expressed her concern for him. She is a woman who was systematically abused for years and regularly forgave him and found reasons for his behavior and now, even though he was on the point of murdering her, she still finds excuses. Since our society lays the guilt upon women, she cannot be blamed entirely for feeling like this.
The truth is simply that until the day comes when men and women are truly equal, the way Islam dictates, we will continue to see women abused and men blaming them for it.
