ALKHOBAR, 3 April 2005 — These days every time I fry a sunny side up for my husband, I get philosophical and think — not because I’m confused about the doctors’ fluctuating opinions about the healthiness of eggs but because the eggs have a message for me.
The ones I buy at Panda tell me “Drive Safely” and “Don’t Speed.” Does someone at the egg company know that I do not drive my eggs safely to the frying pan? That I often have accidents and break eggs and as a result my kitchen floor often smells like eggs. Or does it mean that even though I am a woman, I will be allowed to drive as long as I “Drive safely”? Who is that message for? Is it for men who drive? But men don’t cook and women don’t drive. Is it there for us efficient housewives? Are we supposed to boil the eggs and hide the newspaper so that our literate husbands will read the message on the egg once the newspaper is removed? And that the message on the egg will stay in their minds as they turn the key in their car’s ignition?
Or do the egg producers think we wives are naggers and put the message on the eggs as a reminder for us to nag our husbands about their dangerous driving and possible speeding.
I’m still walking on eggshells and have not cracked the egg-puzzle. I even tried to get my husband to help me, but he has no egg-sense. Turning rather egg-centric he said, “What came first? The chicken or the egg? When you have answered that one, then bring this one to me.” Then thinking for a moment he added, “The message was put on the eggs for the truck drivers who transport the eggs from the farm to the supermarket. After all the producers have put all their eggs into one basket and do not want the drivers to speed, have an accident and leave them with nothing but the makings of one enormous omelet.”
PS: Oh yolks, I mean folks, remember, eggs may or may not be good for your health, but they’re great for your driving especially, if you remember what the egg said: “Drive carefully” and “Don’t speed.”
