JEDDAH, 19 May 2005 — Life was very different a century ago. Some of its cultural traditions, however, hang on into today’s society.
In a society embracing modern technology that both cares for and identifies millions of citizens, a taboo about mentioning the names of female relatives is about as irrelevant as using your igal to hobble a motor car.
In some rural areas, men would rather fight than reveal the names of their mothers. They consider the names of their female relatives a private part of their lives that they do not want to share with others.
This may have been perfectly practical when a caravan passed by 250 years ago, but for a modern civil service employee it presents some problems.
One such man is Abdul Aziz A. who has had many strange encounters with people trying to hide wives’ and mothers’ names. He remembers a Saudi man who wanted to add his newborn son to the family ID card. When Abdul Aziz asked to see the family card, he covered his wife’s name with his thumb in order to keep it a secret. Abdul Aziz told him that there was no point in doing that because her name already appeared on his computer screen.
Still, the new father took his family card and went without adding his son’s name. So for those officials making sure there are adequate health facilities for youngsters and enough teachers to teach all the children in that area, “Baby X” does not exist — even though the government already knew his mother’s name. Will the father later complain about long waits at health care centers and overcrowded classrooms?
Physicians curious to know the names of their patients sometimes find it very unhealthy.
Dr. Ramzi is an Egyptian doctor who works in a private hospital in Jeddah. In some of his encounters with traditional men, he has narrowly escaped being beaten simply for asking for the names of his female patients.
He relates the tale of a Saudi man who came with his mother for treatment.
“I asked for his mother’s name — a standard procedure — and he looked at me as if I had committed a crime,” Dr. Ramzi said. “He refused to say the name, but he wrote something down.”
Instead of writing his mother’s name, he wrote “Umm Turki,” prompting the doctor to ask again.
“The son shouted at me and slapped me in the face saying that his mother’s name was none of my business,” Dr. Ramzi said. “I was stunned because I did not know what I had asked that was wrong. I was simply trying to finish the paperwork before attending to his mother.”
At a women’s clinic where many patients may be treated for many different ailments, calling a patient by name might be a little safer than telling a nurse to give an injection to the “lady in the abaya.” You have to hope that they would pick the right lady.
“It is not part of religion to hide the female name,” said Raweyah Sulaiman, manager of the Health Advisory Board of the Housing Health Care Foundation. “The Prophet, peace be upon him, used to mention his wives’ and daughters’ names in front all of his companions.”
Sulaiman contends that the reluctance is a cultural imperative and not religious at all and said that it has to go before it spreads even more. “Within the Qur’an itself, a lot of times women’s names are mentioned; so how can there be a religious issue?”
Although most kids don’t learn how to hobble a camel with the igal, they must be learning the Name Shame-Game somewhere.
“As a sociologist, I find this phenomenon is spread widely in male schools,” said Jehan Sultan of the Ministry of Labor and Social Affairs. “Some young children cry if their colleagues know their mother’s name.”
It goes beyond tears.
“In high school, fights start between students for mentioning mother’s names,” Sultan said. “They feel that this represents disrespect and there is shame in mentioning the mother’s name.”
Some men say you ought to be proud of your mother. “I think people who hide their mother’s names are ashamed of them,” said 44-year-old Rakan Muhammad. “That goes against the respect that our religion holds for women. It is 100 percent cultural. Twenty years ago, this phenomenon was more evident, but it has begun to decrease.”
He said some families consider the mentioning of women’s names as prohibited and that the problem is more pronounced in rural areas, especially in villages where there is less access to education. Such rural areas though, are the focus of many government agencies with directives to make life better for all the men, women and children who live there. Men might be further ahead to help the government help them and proudly say the women’s names. If they want to preserve a rich cultural tradition, they can get a camel and show little Aboudi how that igal works.
