JEDDAH, 5 June 2005 — For 25 years of her married life, D.T. was forbidden to sit with her husband at the same dining table. This is one of the rules her husband imposed on her and if she did not comply he beat her up with a shoe, a stick, his iqal, a wire, anything that would hurt.
The wife told Al-Watan newspaper that she got married when she was 14 and thought that being beaten was normal in a marriage, but after years she wondered how much more of this abuse she could take and wanted to leave.
“Once, I packed my things and decided to travel to the city where my parents live and he took me to the airport. But when I got to my destination I found that he hadn’t shipped my things and wouldn’t allow my children to call me, so I had to return for the sake of my children,” she said.
Throughout her marriage he never gave her an allowance, telling her that she should be thankful that he fed her. She tried to commit suicide and ended up at a psychiatrist for treatment and when she explained to him her problem, she was surprised by his advice to confront her husband.
“I know that my main problem is that I don’t have anyone to support me. My brothers’ reaction does not go beyond sympathizing me because they don’t want to confront this man. In fact, they asked me to leave him and forget about my children, but all I want to is to live among them with dignity,” she said.
This is one of many stories of abused wives in Saudi Arabia who find themselves alone and reluctant to leave a bad marriage for fear of losing their children. The National Society for Human Rights has received more than 2,500 complaints of domestic violence in one year. These complaints included physical, sexual, financial and psychological abuse.
The NSHR is planning to provide a hotline for abused women and a shelter. For now, women can receive assistance by calling the NSHR number in Riyadh, Tel. 487-2626 and Jeddah, Tel. 622-1235, or call the recently established administration for social protection at the Ministry of Social Affairs in Jeddah on Tel. 664-6340, and in Riyadh on Tel. 478-8777.
In the meantime, the NSHR has been compiling a database and conducting a study on all the cases of abuse to determine the causes for the increasing rate of abuse and recommending ways to prevent it.
The NSHR is also preparing a seminar on the international phenomenon of domestic violence to be held in Riyadh in cooperation with the Ministry of Social Affairs and has been holding regular workshops and lectures all around the country to raise awareness among couples of their rights and obligations.
Manal Al-Somali, social worker at King Fahd Hospital, is familiar with cases of domestic abuse where women feeling trapped and helpless.
“The problem is that these women grow up thinking abuse of any kind is part of married life, and as time goes by they adapt and convince themselves that it is worth sacrificing their dignity for the sake of their children, not realizing that they are doing more damage to their kids. Research shows that children of abusive parents become abusive themselves or submissive,” she told Arab News.
“Most of these women don’t know exactly what they want or they’re afraid of making a decision and taking responsibility for the consequences. Otherwise if they seek help through the police or the NSHR or the courts, they can find a solution to their problem but they have to be willing to go through the trouble,” she said.
To raise awareness, she recommends educating girls at an early age.
“In Home Economics class why are we only teaching girls how to cook and clean and take care of the house? Why aren’t we teaching them about their rights?” she said.
