JEDDAH, 4 August 2006 — In a society where family honor is cherished and the chastity of women is something of paramount importance, women who fall into illicit relationships with strange men can see themselves ostracized by their families and forced to live in government-run refuges.
Such refuge centers across the Kingdom are filled with young women with heart-rending tales to tell. These women have been forced to live in isolation away from their families because of the dishonor that their families perceive they have brought to them.
Perhaps one of the most ironic things that come out of this is the fact that young men who fall into similar problems are given a second chance while their female counterparts are automatically sidelined and ignored.
One 22-year-old woman, who is in such a center, told Al-Nadwa newspaper about how she was arrested with her boyfriend by the police. “He was playing around with my emotions... He promised me that he would marry me one day,” said the woman who, coming from a poor family background, was delighted to have met a rich, prospective husband. She thought of her boyfriend as a way out of a life of poverty.
The woman, who preferred to remain anonymous, was in her final year at university when a classmate gave her a cell phone number belonging to her brother. The girl said her brother wanted to get to know her and asked her to call him.
“I was delighted... The guy was from a rich family and this was my ticket out of the miserable life I was living. So I began talking to him over the phone and later we began meeting and going out,” she recalled.
The young woman says she felt overwhelmed when the boy said he wanted to marry her. One day while out members of the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice arrested them.
“His family came and bailed him out while I was left in prison. It was terrible because he denied even knowing me and, to make things worse, my family refused to come and get me and said they didn’t want me home,” she said, sobbing.
The young woman remained in jail for a considerable time until finally her uncle came and took her to his home. “I didn’t feel welcome there; my cousins and aunt were rude and, finally, I left and went to work as a maid for a group of Arab women.”
Another woman with a similar sorry story is 25-year-old Muna. She comes from a rich family. Muna said she was living a happy life when all of a sudden one day her brother, a drug-addict, raped her while being under the influence of drugs. Muna said she was sleeping at the time and tried to fight him off but he still took away “the most precious thing a woman has.”
The 25-year-old says she was left feeling guilty and couldn’t force herself to tell her family. “My family honor had been destroyed and so I decided to run away. I went to a city a thousand kilometers away from my hometown. There I met all sorts of men who took advantage of my situation and introduced me into the world of drugs. In drugs I saw the best way to forget about what happened.”
Muna was arrested a short while later together with a group of other women who were in similar situation as her. “I was taken to this women’s center where I am now staying. My family doesn’t want anything to do with me,” she said.
Some of the women at the women’s center are there after getting pregnant out of wedlock. One such woman is Hind who left home after becoming pregnant. She said that after her mother died her father spent a lot of time looking after her and her siblings and it was then that she was fooled by a man who promised to love and care for her. “I don’t know what I was thinking but I ended up sleeping with him. He promised to marry me. Soon after, I got pregnant,” she said.
When Hind’s father found out, he became angry. The man offered to marry her but her father swore he would kill him if he came to their house. At this point, Hind left home and is now heavily pregnant. She says she doesn’t know what to do with her life or her child. She feels lonely and wants to commit suicide.
One 18-year-old girl at the refuge explained how she fell pregnant with twins, one boy and one girl, after having an illicit relationship with the family driver. The girl, who also preferred to remain anonymous, explained how her father, a successful businessman, was always traveling and how her mother, a teacher, was always busy.
It was in these circumstances that she developed a relationship with the family driver. For two years the relationship remained a secret until she became pregnant and gave birth to twins.
“My parents went crazy. We were both tortured and finally my dad went to the police and reported us. The driver offered to marry me but my father refused and insisted the police punish and deport him,” she said.
Feeling pity for her the girl’s mother tried helping her and managed to get her out of prison and sent her to live with her sister and brother-in-law until things cooled down.
“My family hated me. The very mention of my name angered my father because I had brought shame on the family. I lived with my sister and her husband for a while until one day my brother-in-law tried to rape me when my sister was not home. When my sister found out, she kicked me out of her house and accused me of trying to seduce her husband,” she said.
The girl then went back to her father’s house where things became even more tense when her sister told her father about what had happened with her husband. “I was innocent but my father refused to believe me. He beat me up and kicked me out of the house. I had nowhere to go but to seek shelter in the social center. I wish I were dead.”
