Have you ever felt that your 13-year-old son was abusing you, his parent? Have you ever felt that you were responding to his violent behavior or threatening remarks because you worry about him? Have you ever felt that you were justifying your actions to him when he starts complaining or isolating himself from others? Have you ever felt responsible for your child’s failure just because he was away from home or insisted on being with bad company?
Teenagers use all these devious techniques to abuse their parents’ fear and concern. It is emotional abuse of parents in order to serve the children’s personal purposes. When a child or a teenager behaves badly, parents receive accusations of being bad parents which, in some cases, is true. Reality, however, is sometimes different. Parents underestimate their children’s intelligence in using different methods — such as manipulating their parents’ emotions and fears — in order to get what they want, whenever they want it.
A new Canadian study has indicated that children insist on behaving this way when parents have no real control over them. Another study showed that parents who become friends with their children must stop such behavior when children cross the red line. This crucial phase of teenagers’ lives has its roots much earlier. It starts with the use of bad words and blaming parents for their flaws and shortcomings. Teenage children also constantly accuse their parents of misunderstanding teenagers’ feelings and not following modern methods of bringing them up. Sometimes they threaten the parents, without feeling any guilt whatsoever, by withholding information.
Silence must be broken under these circumstances and parents must have frank and honest conversations with their children. Silence gives the children a feeling of agreement for what they are doing and that their behavior is acceptable. Psychiatrists confirm that too much love and affection for children may cause them to misuse these emotions.
Teenagers have bizarre attitudes about expressing their rejection of parents’ instructions and what they see as intransigence. They break or ruin things; they hide important household items, fake sickness, make long phone calls that go on for hours, starve themselves and sometimes complain silently which is noticeable on their faces when other people are around.
Psychiatrists advise parents facing such behavioral problems with their children to seek medical help or at least help from friends. It might be embarrassing for some parents but they will learn later that consulting someone is better than having their children clash with society. The clashes can affect their lives and future relationships. Don’t let your concerns about your children’s feelings grow to the point where you are unable to set rules which will discipline your children. Neglecting to do this will almost certainly be very harmful to them and their futures.
