Branding children, whipping or beating them is not exactly the best way to discipline them. So common, however, have such practices become that newspapers are full of them. Indications are that such cases are on the increase. Many from broken homes, the children are nearly always innocent victims of adult anger and frustration. In most cases, the neglect occurs because both parents are eager to jump into second marriages without really understanding why the first has failed.
Divorce is never really easy and can in fact be a messy business. The biological father is consumed by guilt at the sight of the forlorn child who serves as a reminder of broken promises while the second wife cannot bear living in the shadow of the first wife and probably feels threatened of her return by the presence of her child. On the other hand, the biological mother moves on to start a new family, leaving behind the first children (either because the father has demanded their custody or because it is Saudi law). Moreover, more likely than not, the new husband is unwilling to disturb the second alliance with a brood which isn’t his. In either case, the children suffer.
Studies have proven that children from broken homes lead lives of deprivation on every level. The effects of rejection, blame and the suspicion of being the cause of their parents’ divorce is damaging. Nine times out of 10, criminals are created in such circumstances and a disturbed or violent childhood is often quoted as the vortex of the whole. As adults, not having known genuine compassion, they repeat the vicious cycle which is all they know in their own relationships and we are left to contend with a society riddled with problems.
Marriages are hailed as a celebration of the meeting of two individuals and traditionally, in the East at least, of two families. For centuries, it has brought people together and softened the divide between physical borders of country and passport. So, what is the hurry to annul such a significant alliance which is not only a joy to the immediate couple but also holy in the sight of God? Moreover, marriage is supposed to bring happiness all around because it guarantees the continuity of life through procreation with responsibility.
It is much easier to get married than to divorce because by the time the two spouses decide to part, chances are that they have brought a child into the world — an individual with needs, a person with rights to a home, food, education, etc. However, instead of bringing the two together, the luckless child becomes at times, a sounding board for the intensifying quarrels, and at other times, a vessel into which his parents pour all their rancor, hate and bitterness. Finally they go their separate ways with little thought for the child who never asked for any of this and who is now, figuratively at least, thrown to the wolves. The parents “move on” and the child is abused further and this time, by a set of strangers — the newly-wed stepmother or stepfather. The biological parents, probably afraid to go through divorce or separation a second time, often live in a state of denial while the child/children’s state gradually deteriorates.
The children are there, suffering in silent agony while their cries for help are ignored. The police too, are unsure sure of what to do when confronted with such problems as these dilemmas which have traditionally been handled by the families themselves. It is the violence of the deed which brings them into the picture. In addition, the fact that in most cases, the children are minors simply adds to the complications. There aren’t statistics on the number of such homes. There are families which will stop at nothing to inflict as much violence as possible. Then there are the ones who are just unable to give any sort of discipline to their children who are rude and ill-mannered with no notion of how to behave in public or with adults. Such a discrepancy should be seen as a signal to take a serious look at the way we are bringing up our children.
Clearly, something needs to be done. Many parents need advice on parenting skills and may also need therapy. Special centers need to be set up to counsel and give assistance to young people during both the prenuptial and postnuptial phase and especially when they decide to become parents. Divorce should not be seen as the only way out. The extended family should step in and take matters in hand, and where it does not exist, friends and neighbors should take the initiative and remind the partners of their responsibility toward each other, the children and everyone else in general. There needs to be more awareness of the ugly side of divorce and there should be stricter laws in place to prevent it.
