JUBAIL, 7 October 2006 — The other day I had been to a humorous speech contest at the local Toastmasters club where my friend Vasudhar Gopal made an amusing speech on problems created by mispronunciation of names. He even quoted William Shakespeare to prove his point.
Upon reaching home I went straight to my roommate — Kadharakkuzhiyil Appukkuttan — who was very particular about his name and the correct pronunciation of it.
“Beloved friend, there is absolutely nothing special about names,” I said to him. “Whatsoever name you call it, a rose is a rose. Now I can address you with a different name each day!”
Appukkuttan usually keeps to himself and never bothers about anything beyond his personal interests.
He uses his free time to view movies and TV serials and hates people who watch news channels. According to him these are the people who want to put their dirty nose into other people’s affairs.
He was busy cooking mutton biriyani. So I repeated my statement. “Dear Appukkuttan, names are of no importance. A rose is a rose whatsoever name you call it.”
Appukkuttan heard me and decided to take his attention away from the aroma of mutton biriyani. He glanced strangely at me and asked in a husky voice, “Who said that?”
I lost my confidence and became nervous. It always happens when someone confronts me with an irritated look and a husky voice.
My voice was feeble when I answered, “William Shakespeare said that”.
“Who the devil is this Sheikh William? I never heard of him.”
“He is world’s number one dramatist worth ten Nobel Prizes for literature.”
“YOU THINK that he’s worth ten Nobel Prizes and the Swedish Academy doesn’t agree with you! That means he never won them. Ha ha ha ha .......... What a funny way to boost a friend! This Sheikh William, is he also a friend of your friend Zafdar Gopal?” It was sarcasm incarnated.
“His name is not Zafdar Gopal. It is Vasudhar Gopal,” I protested.
“Zafdar or Vafdar, why are you concerned? You said just now that names are of no importance. You want to contradict yourself?”
There was mockery in his voice.
“All right. All right. Sheikh or no Sheikh, invite this William for dinner. I would like to teach him something about roses and names.”
“But my dear Appukkuttan, he is already dead.”
“Don’t joke with me when I am dead serious.”
It was nothing short of Armageddon in action!
“Appukkuttan, I am not joking. He is dead and no more.”
“A fine excuse indeed!” Appukkuttan roared. “Whenever I want to entertain a writer friend of yours, he is dead! Last time it was a North Indian named Ved Vyasa. This always happens. The fact is that you don’t want to introduce me to your celebrity friends. Is that not the truth?”
I did not pursue the subject further. Of course, silence is more than golden when your opponent is in command of a steely will to steal victory at any cost.
