JEDDAH, 11 February 2007 — Recent studies have shown that the Saudi divorce rate is on the rise. According to a study cited last year in Asharq Al-Awsat, a sister publication of Arab News, 33 divorces occur every day. Eastern Province registers about 60 divorces each day. Riyadh registers 50 cases a day, followed by Hail (34), Jeddah (33), and Tabuk (29). Such statistics naturally encourage Saudi women to hold off on nuptials or even to put them on hold indefinitely.
“I have decided to remain unmarried because, frankly, divorce and the scrutiny that goes with it scares me,” said 24-year-old Jeddah resident Badriah, who did not want her family name published. “Over the past few years I have witnessed numerous schoolmates of mine as well as family members who have divorced young or have been mistreated by their husbands. After a girl divorces in this country people are anything but kind, and they look at her differently — as if she’s to blame, lacking what it takes to keep a husband and marriage happy. I can’t put myself through that.”
S.H., a 27-year-old Jeddah resident, said a history of abuse from her brothers has “forced me to forget the thought of marriage all together.”
“My family and friends always try to change my mind telling me that not all men are the same, but I can’t help but hate them to the extent that I was even reluctant to have children fearing that I might have a son who might one day continue the cycle of violent abuse,” she said.
“This type of phobia is normal,” said Wafa Al-Saadi, a psychologist and sociologist at the Ministry of Social Affairs, which is responsible for the country’s marriage registry. “Many girls or young women might decide to remain single after witnessing the pain and frustration felt by a close friend or family member while going through a divorce. A lot of these women simply don’t want to become another statistic. Still, I feel a big problem adding to the increasing divorce rate is the urge for Westernization. Many young people are vastly trying to imitate slices of life seen on satellite television. It is as if television has dictated everything about their lifestyle from fashion to eating habits to how they psychologically react to others.”
Dr. Parveen Sultana, a Jeddah-based psychologist and marriage counselor, agreed. She also said that there is an increased amount of interaction between men and women in the form of e-mail and mobile telecommunications than before.
“Technology when used properly can be a positive achievement. However, nowadays many people are living their lives without observing piety,” she said. “I feel that the country needs to get back to Islamic principles in order for the situation to change. Many men’s manipulative attitudes are another reason for the turmoil. They are Islamically permitted to marry up to four women, which they do. The problem begins when they don’t treat them with equality or work to support them, instead marrying professional women who can support them.”
Abrar 17, also from Jeddah said that she decided to remain single for numerous reasons. “One reason I have chosen not to get married is that I don’t think it is fair for men to have a list of physical qualifications in mind before meeting their potential bride,” she said. “Many of them tell my father they are looking for a white, thin, pretty girl and even though I am not unattractive, I often ask myself what about the girl’s mind and personality. Aren’t these things important too? Meanwhile many of these men don’t bother keeping up their own appearances.”
She said that many young women aren’t mature enough to accept the responsibility of taking care of a home, husband, and children until they have at least reached the age of 25.
“The subject of education is another important reason why I prefer not to marry,” she said. “I feel that everyone should do as our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) has instructed us: ‘To seek out knowledge.’ I strongly feel that I must be responsible for improving myself before I can attempt to be responsible for a family.”
Noura, 28, said that another factor influencing a growing aversion to marriage is family interference and insistence on influencing a woman’s marriage decisions.
“The family of a friend of mine has attempted on different occasions to marry her to her cousin,” said Noura. “The shocking part is that when she refused to do so, she was forbidden from marrying anyone else.”
Nevertheless, many women are finding that they don’t have to get married to have a successful life.
“When I was young, we as women had little to say about the choices made in our lives,” said Wedad Khedar, a Saudi businesswoman and mother of seven. “Nowadays that is all changing. Women are becoming more educated and ambitious, seeking efforts of breaking the typical mold of Saudi women perceived by the world as a weak, abused creature with no rights. As a result many of them are waking up to fact that they can live happily on their own without tying the knot.”
Salma, an English professor told Arab News that she was surprised when her students chose “marriage” as a topic of discussion one day and says it shows how the new generations are modernizing the Kingdom by talking about subjects once deemed as taboo.
“At first I was hesitant to talk about the subject of marriage, but I indulged the students. They told me that for some it wasn’t the idea of nuptials that abhorred them. It was the thought of marrying a Saudi man that they disliked. One girl casually said that her dream is to marry a foreign man, saying that foreigners are more open-minded, romantic, and share in responsibilities as a partner. They don’t become liabilities, she told me. Saudi men tend to be unaffectionate, fickle and just plain selfish.”
For the last decade, government officials have been taking more steps to prohibit foreigners from marrying Saudi nationals. This, some say, will only create another kind of dilemma and cause more women to shun marriage altogether.
