RIYADH, 18 February 2007 — Abu Fahd is a 57-year-old Saudi widower of two years. His nest is empty now that all of his children have moved away and started their own families.
When the elderly gentleman broached the subject of marrying another woman, it became clear quickly that they were opposed to the plan, adverse to the idea. Abu Fahd’s children began spending more time with him, but he says it was more to ensure that he wouldn’t remarry than with spending quality time with him.
“I could see it in my daughter’s eyes that they were pretending to be happy when they were staying with me,” he told Al-Riyadh newspaper recently. “I know that they want to get on with their lives, but they also would hate to see another woman taking the place of their mother.”
According to the report, many Saudis oppose the idea of widows and widowers getting remarried, and some of them take action to prevent it, such as spending time with the family members to keep an eye on their activities.
Abu Fahd said that after weeks of feuding with his family, he took the initiative and, against their will, found a woman near his age to marry. “It’s very selfish of them to prevent me from getting married,” he said. “Many of them do not understand and they think I don’t need a wife simply because I am old.”
Umm Salem, a 48-year-old widow, said she too had to take matters into her own hands after her family opposed her decision to find another spouse. “My sons and brothers objected to my wishes, saying that they fear what the other would say about my marriage, as if I was doing something wrong,” she said. “They even put pressure on me, refusing to help me financially. I got married anyway to the man that I wanted because it is none of their business and they can’t run my life.”
Sultan Al-Otaibi, a 19-year-old university student, described the difficulties in accepting the idea of somebody replacing his father or his mother in the event of their death — especially his mother.
“In the past it was normal for a woman to marry again, but not anymore,” he said. “Many things have changed. What was acceptable in the past is not acceptable now. But I guess each family has its own circumstances.”
Muhammad Al-Nujaimi, a professor in Islamic law, said there was nothing wrong with marrying somebody else after the death of a spouse, for men or women, and that there is no age limit to the practice.
“Some children prohibit their fathers and mothers from getting married at an old age because they view it as a social disgrace,” he said. “But I think that daughters and sons should get over themselves: Their parents have the right to do what they want in this regard. Daughters and sons have no right to forbid something that God sanctions.”
