MAKKAH, 11 March 2007 — In increasing numbers, many working women in the Kingdom complain that their husbands fail to meet their financial expenses and those of their children. In fact, some women say they end up paying not only for themselves and their children but also have to fork out for household expenses, their husbands’ and that of their extended families.
“My husband stopped spending on me as soon as I started working. He sees no need to spend on me as long as I have the ability to spend on myself. I don’t mind that, but what I can’t accept is when he doesn’t spend on the children, the maid and the driver as well,” said a Saudi nurse employed at a government hospital in Makkah.
She believes husbands should spend on their wives and children, regardless of what the situation may be. “That causes a lot of problems between us and some times my husband leaves the house for two or three days,” she said.
Umm Hatem, an administrative employee at a state school in Jeddah, said: “If you saw my husband spending on himself, you would think he was the wealthiest man on earth. Everything he spends comes from what I earn. He saves his salary without spending anything on us except when there is an occasion such as a big party or a wedding.”
Umm Hatem added that her friends tell her that her husband spends lavishly on friends while on holiday abroad. “I don’t mind helping him if he is really in need and I’ve never complained to any of his relatives; he would divorce me if I did,” she said.
Meanwhile, Umm Abdullah says her husband forces her to cover her daughters’ expenses as a form of punishment. “My husband is punishing me for having four daughters and only one son. He makes me pay their expenses for school, clothes, the maid, the driver and everything else,” she said.
“When my husband proposed, he made a condition that I wasn’t allowed to work. So when he agreed to let me work as a teacher, I was extremely surprised,” said mother of two, Umm Ayman. When she received her first salary, her husband told her about some saving pools he had in mind. She said that her husband wanted her to participate in them and cover household expenses. (It is common in the Kingdom for groups of people to pool a fixed amount of money every month. The money is taken each month by one member of the group so that a different member takes the money each month.)
“I happily agreed and together with my husband, we joined several saving pools,” Umm Ayman said, adding that she hands all the money she receives to her husband. “Later I was surprised to discover that he is doing nothing but spending the money on himself. When I confronted him, he accused me of insulting him. Once I have finished with these saving groups, I’ll take some strict action.”
Mariam Abu Huraira said: “Islam gives women a number of rights and gives them complete freedom to do whatever they want with their money. This is regardless of whether the money is inherited or earned. No one has the right to force a woman to spend on things she doesn’t want to,” she said.
Social researcher Hafsa Shuaib, who works for an organization that provides help to women, said there were a large number of relationships in which men abuse the trust of women. Hafsa believes that the problem begins at a young age. She says that with most girls being better educated than boys, girls generally end up getting employed before their brothers. It is then, she says, that boys get into the habit of relying on their female relatives for cash.
“I’ve noticed on several occasions at ATM machines that a man uses his wife’s or sister’s ATM card to withdraw huge sums of money, handing her only a hundred or so as if it is his right. It would be better if the wife’s family were to put a premarital condition on the husband that he not be allowed to spend his wife’s money,” she said.
Hafsa added that in the past a man would refuse help from his wife and consider her financial help an insult. “Men would consider it as a way of minimizing their role as the head of the house. Now men look for working women who can spend on them and cover household expenses. A woman who is helping her husband financially doesn’t detract from the husband’s role. What is sad is when a woman spends on her husband and children while he saves his money for himself.”
