JEDDAH, 13 April 2007 — The popularity of training institutes for young Saudis is recognized all over the country. What may not be so well known is that many young people sign up for courses, not to sharpen their academic skills but simply to have someone to confide in and socialize with.
According to Debbie Watkins Al-Ghamdi, an English language instructor who has lived in the Kingdom for the past 25 years, many of the students who register for courses do it because of a lack of attention at home. “These kinds of students are becoming common. I usually have at least two or three who are there to gain friends rather than language skills and I basically try to keep them talking so at least they can get conversation practice.”
She went on to say that she is often surprised when students approach her to thank her for actually teaching them and many of them say that their previous teachers simply “went through the syllabus instead of taking the time to get to know them. Some eventually take me on as a role model or mother-figure,” she said. They are apparently trying to get what they are missing at home. Dr. Parveen Sultana, a Jeddah-based psychologist and family counselor, agreed. She says the root of the problem can often be traced back to the student’s early childhood with the question of relationships with the parents or caregivers being the key factor.
“Affection is such an important issue in a child’s formative stages that in many countries, it is stipulated that the father be the first to pick up the newborn baby. This is seen as an emphasis on the closeness of the family unit.”
She said she had noticed that when family members in the Kingdom meet after completing their daily routines of school and work, they don’t show the happiness or physical contact that families in other countries do.
Dr. Sultana contributes the dissolution of the Saudi family to the fact that many have drifted away from Islamic principles and advises that parents should be aware of their children’s developmental needs and be responsible for gratifying those needs. She said that when these needs for nurturing and attention aren’t met, their absence might lead to rebellion. “The main problem in schools today worldwide is rebellion related to authority figures such as parents, teachers and officials,” she said.
One thing that worsens the problem is the reliance on housemaids and domestic helpers. “I almost never spend time with my parents,” said Hanan, 17, a student enrolled in a local training center.
“My mother has a job as a nurse and works on several projects while my father works as a security guard at one of the local hospitals in Jeddah. I usually stay home after school with Mariam, our Indonesian housemaid, watching TV and then seeing my parents at night before bed or in the morning when I am ready to go to school.”
Dr. Sultana said that this type of physical and emotional neglect was very damaging and possibly stemmed from the parents themselves growing up in the same way.
“Parents must take charge of their children and leave maids to do the housework and cleaning duties instead of raising their children. In Saudi Arabia, there is a genuine need for long-term projects that concentrate on lonely and neglected children. One step is to start peer groups in schools, not just to strengthen academic ties but to strengthen psychological and emotional ties as well.”
Dr. Sultana added that establishing peer groups and cognitive group learning would be a positive step in creating the internal support needed to feed the hunger for attention and affection that so many Saudi young people are starving for.
