JEDDAH, 29 February 2008 — A Saudi man, who abandoned his 14-year-old daughter from a foreign wife, continues to live in denial about her existence in spite of efforts to reunite the family. The story of the girl, known as Salma (not her real name), was reported in a previous Arab News report detailing the work of Najeeb Al-Zamil, a Saudi columnist and social activist, who helps abandoned Saudi lovechildren in foreign countries.
Al-Zamil told Arab News how the girl was abandoned at the age of seven and was forced to leave school early, and work at a bar and as a model featuring in low budget advertisements. She was nicknamed the queen of advertisements and her experience of life had left her bitter about men, Saudi Arabia and Islam.
Following the report, Al-Zamil received hundreds of e-mails from abandoned Saudi children and members of the public wanting to help them. “What amazed me about Salma’s case is that people from every part of the Kingdom wanted to help her regardless of their beliefs. No one asked if she was white or black, Sunni, Shiite or Sufi, which tribe she was from and whether she was from the Eastern Province or the Western Province,” said Al-Zamil.
“They just wanted to support her in anyway possible. They wanted to support her and others, who are in a similar situation,” he added.
Although many Saudi men have broken the hearts of their foreign wives and their lovechildren, their behavior is something that Saudi society cannot tolerate, said Al-Zamil, adding that the proof of this are the hundreds of e-mails he has received from members of the public.
The Saudi columnist said that although the majority of such children are born legitimately there are many who are not, and this is where the problem lies. Saudi society, culture and religion does not accept illegitimate relationships. Although children are not to be blamed, such Saudi fathers live in denial, fearing social stigma and punishment from the authorities.
Al-Zamil said he is concerned about the welfare of these children and proposes the establishment of a society with trustees to support them.
Trustees would be given the task of reuniting children with their fathers and ensuring they have a better life when they come to the Kingdom. He also said there was a need for social workers to ensure children are well looked after, adding that if children are unable to come to the Kingdom then they should be supported in their maternal countries.
Speaking about fathers who do not want to reveal that they have fathered children abroad, Al-Zamil said, “They could simply anonymously support them financially. There is no need for them to be known at all. At least this way they can sleep at night relieved that they are helping their children.”
“These men need to know they can never get away with what they have done. It will all be revealed sooner or later,” he said, adding that it is a good sign that lovechildren are speaking up and seeking their rights. “This is a warning. People need to think wisely before getting into such relationships,” he added.
“It is never too late to rectify a mistake,” said Al-Zamil, adding that he managed to connect a Saudi man of Yemeni origin with one of his daughters in Kenya. The woman, who was suffering from a terminal illness, had married an Egyptian man and had given birth to eight children. On her death bed she asked Al-Zamil to tell her father: “Father I am very ill and I long to see you before I die.”
Al-Zamil managed to contact the father, who within two weeks of finding out about his daughter came to visit her. The father had a change of heart on hearing the story and he remained with her during her final days, said Al-Zamil.
The Saudi social activist also cited the example of a 23-year-old boy who worked as a janitor in a Far East country. Al-Zamil said that the boy had Arab features and an Arabic name, and was spotted by a volunteer tasked with the job of looking for Saudi children.
Al-Zamil met the boy, who revealed that his father was in fact Saudi and that he had left his mother. Al-Zamil traced the man and learned that he had died. He also spoke to the man’s eldest son over the phone, who, within 12 hours, came to visit him, asking him to take him to his brother. Al-Zamil later learned that, on his deathbed, the father had told his eldest son about his brother and had asked him to help him.
The 23-year-old janitor was reunited with his family and often visits the Kingdom. He currently lives in the Far East and has been helped by his Saudi family to set up his own business there.
“The father knew that the book of deeds was still open and he wanted to do a good deed so he could rest in peace,” said Al-Zamil. “God is generous, but the sooner we correct our mistakes the better. Fathers need to be aware of that and acknowledge their children and take care of them before it’s too late,” he added.
Khaled Abu Rashid, a Saudi lawyer from the International House of Law in Jeddah, said people need to be cautious when marrying foreigners. “It’s not just about racism, but we have to consider the consequences,” he said, adding that children from such marriages abroad have rights, which need to be fulfilled.
Abu Rashid said such children need to take recourse through Saudi Embassies abroad or by filing court cases against their fathers, demanding financial support and recognition for their lineage.
He added that women involved in such cases also need to take legal recourse. “In some cases women are abandoned and not divorced. They remain married and stranded,” he said.
Abdulaziz Hassan, a retired Saudi, said that many fathers remain in denial about their foreign children. “These children have the right to have their parents around them,” he said.
Salim Yusuf, a Saudi in his early 50s, said, “Each one of us has a role in this life and this is why we are fathers. Those who refuse to acknowledge their children must be made known to the wider public. They should be embarrassed and made an example of.”
