When the Prophet (peace be upon him) proposed to marry Umm Salamah, who was perhaps his third wife after Khadeejah, the proposal was totally unexpected by her. She had been married to one of the early companions of the Prophet, Abdullah ibn Abd Al-Asad. The couple were among the Prophet’s companions who traveled to Abyssinia only a few years after the start of the Islamic message. The Prophet advised some of his companions to go there to spare them the pressures of the opposition his call met in Makkah and to establish a new base for Islam, thus demonstrating at an early stage the fact that Islam was a universal message addressed to all mankind. Abu Salamah was exemplary in his dedication to Islam. He died after having been seriously wounded in one of the early battles the Muslims had to fight at the time. Umm Salamah, who had four children by her husband, prayed God to bestow His mercy on her deceased husband and to give her better compensation. Then she thought to herself: “I am praying for better compensation; yet where would I find a man better than Abu Salamah?”
It was not long after she had finished her waiting period that the Prophet sent someone with his proposal. That was an answer to her prayer and her thoughts. Certainly, the Prophet was the one better than all men. Yet she thought hard on this proposal before sending a reply explaining serious reservations about such a match. She said: “Messenger of God! A woman like me is unsuitable to you. I am old and cannot give you children, and I am jealous by nature. Besides, I have children whom I need to bring up. I fear that the fulfillment of my duties as a wife could have adverse effects on them.”
The Prophet sent her a reply, saying: “As for jealousy, I pray that God will remove it from you. You should entrust your children to God and His messenger. As for your being old, I am older than you.”
That was enough to stop all argument. Umm Salamah was married to the Prophet and we do not have any reports speaking about her showing jealousy. However, natural jealousy was felt by many of the Prophet’s wives, particularly when they felt that they were at a disadvantage. Such disadvantage could not have been the result of anything the Prophet did, because he maintained strict fairness between all his wives at all times. However, life’s events may be such that bring about a feeling of disadvantage. For example, some of the Prophet’s companions used to send him gifts of fruit and other foods to please him. They realized that the Prophet mostly lived in poverty. Many, however, wanted the Prophet to enjoy their gifts most. Therefore, they often chose the nights when they knew it was Ayesha’s turn to send their gifts, realizing that the Prophet loved her most. As we have mentioned, feelings are not included in the requirement of maintaining fairness between one’s wives, because feelings are not within our control.
The Prophet’s other wives felt that this was unfair. Therefore, they chose Umm Salamah, who was known for her wise approach, to speak to him about this. She told him that his other wives feel that this was unfair and requested that he takes some measures to correct it. Umm Salamah spoke to him twice about the matter. He did not give her any reply the first time. On the second occasion, he told her not to upset him on Ayesha’s account. “I have never received revelations when I was close with any woman other than her.” Umm Salamah decided to drop the matter. She realized that the Prophet did not do anything to encourage such a situation.
The Prophet’s other wives did not feel the same way. They felt that it was fair that they should require their husband to tell his companions that they need not wait until Ayesha’s turn to send their gifts. Therefore, they chose an even more outspoken one of them to speak to him. This time, Zaynab bint Jahsh came forward, when the Prophet was at Ayesha’s home and spoke out clarifying her own feelings and speaking on behalf of his other wives. Zaynab felt that her own position is equal, if not superior, to that of Ayesha. Her mother was Umaymah bint Abd Al-Muttalib, the Prophet’s own paternal aunt. She was a woman of exceptional beauty. Moreover, the Prophet was commanded by God to marry her, as clearly stated in the Qur’an. As she spoke to the Prophet on this occasion, with Ayesha next to him, she felt angry and she used some harsh words to Ayesha. Ayesha remained silent at first, but she looked at the Prophet and realized that he would not object if she replied to her rival. Therefore, she spoke out, refuting her argument. Apparently, she did not use any bad language in her reply. Therefore, the Prophet’s commented: “She is Abu Bakr’s daughter.”
Yet the Prophet’s wives would not give up the matter. They felt at a disadvantage through no fault of theirs. Therefore, they spoke to the one woman whom they felt would get them the result they wanted, Fatimah, the Prophet’s youngest daughter who was so close to him. She put their request to him, but he asked her whether she was pleased with what gave him gratification. She said that she did, and dropped the matter. She went back to them and told them that she could do nothing.
Was the Prophet unfair to his wives when he refused to tell his companions to send their gifts at any time, rather than when he was with Ayesha? To start with, had the Prophet made such an announcement, he would have implied to his companions that he expected such gifts to be coming on a regular basis. He could not have done that. The Prophet accepted his companions’ gifts, no matter how simple these were, but he would never appear to anyone as to expect a gift. Therefore, he would not interfere with what his companions did and how they did it.
On the other hand, if he were to make such an announcement, he would deprive Ayesha of whatever was intended for her. Why should he do that when he did not intimate to anyone in the first place that he preferred gifts to come to him in her home? Indeed, there would be an element of unfairness in such a request. Indeed, the Prophet’s attitude was to be strictly neutral in this whole matter, allowing people to do what they liked, and letting their action benefit whoever they intended to benefit.
