It was a childhood obsession to know and learn more about etiquette and as I grew older I turned it into a vision,” says Saudi writer and teacher Ameera Al-Sayegh, etiquette expert and author of “Our Children and Etiquette: Children Behavior From A to Z.” The book is a guide to how children should be taught to behave, including how to listen, how to interact with others and how to care for the less fortunate.
Although Al-Sayegh formal education was far from this field — she has a BA in English literature — her personal admiration for everything related to correct behavior, table settings and manners led her to try and apply what she cared about.
“The first experience was gathering a group of kids in my family and teaching them how to behave. I realized that children are not being taught how to behave or what good manners are. People take their behavior for granted,” said Al-Sayegh.
Fearing that bad behavior — if left uncorrected — could turn into habits and noticing how her efforts were well received, she decided to concentrate on them. She took etiquette courses in Cairo and then topped that up with online courses and extensive reading in order to become an expert in applying and writing about etiquette.
“While reading and gathering information, I found that many of the rules are in the basis of Islam and stated clearly in the Qur’an and in the Prophet Muhammad’s (PBUH) sayings,” says Al-Sayegh. She, for example, discovered that there is a Hadith where the ‘basic rules’ or — what are also called ‘magic rules’ — for meeting people is mentioned in details with the proper ways of shaking hands, smiling and making eye contact.
Many people misunderstood Al-Sayegh’s determination on using the expression ‘etiquette’ and thought of it as an alien expression but, as she points out, “to use the known expression saves me from manipulating people’s curiosity and makes me able to reach them and clarify that many international etiquette rules exist at the core of Islam.”
Saudi writers and intellectuals have noted the book, which was published late last year. Fuad Azab, a writer and columnist for Okaz, praised the book. “Through means and methods, the book gives the child self-confidence and teaches him right from wrong,” he said. “It’s a beautiful book with a touch like velvet, silk and lace.”
But some critics have said that the book aims to instill values in children that differ from traditional ones. Writer Safeenaz Kazem, questions the very concept of “etiquette” as an attempt at “shifting our values from behavior associated with our Islamic and Arabic culture to values and behaviors of societies we are not related to by culture, religion or nationality.”
Kazem said that Islam should be used to show the best behavior for Muslims. “In our societies, things have gotten mixed up,” she said. “And values contradict each other according to the sources. Social equilibrium has lost its balance to a point that our (cultural) features have become disfigured.”
In the book’s defense, writer Mishal Al-Sudairi condemned the over-sensitivity toward adopting anything deemed “Western.” Writer Sawsan Al-Abtah said the disagreement between Sudairi and Kazem illustrates the general disagreement between those who want to imitate our ancestors and those seeking to clone Western cultural values as a path toward social renewal, something writer Mohammad Sadiq Diab calls “the West Complex.”
“Although Al-Sayegh is not involved fully in what is called ‘The West Complex’ deriving everything from Western-style etiquette, she is also not claiming that everything should be derived from Islamic traditions.”
In her introduction to the book, Al-Sayegh points out that the etiquette she is advocating is universally applicable as good behavior shared by all humans. For his part, writer Mohammad Sadiq Diab said he found the book courageous.
“The book doesn’t hide in the shade of a wall,” he said. “Writing is an adventure and each adventure has two river banks from which the visions vary.”
Overwhelmed by society’s encouragement and support, Al-Sayegh decided to turn her book into a series.
Her next book is entitled ‘Our Young Ladies and Etiquette’, which will then be followed with a version for young boys, wives, husbands and mothers and fathers.
As Al-Sayegh researches more, she learns about many traditions that can be accounted for as cultural etiquette on their way to disappearing and, she says, “This encouraged me to approach old people and try to learn more about the good old days and compare it to what we have today,” Al-Sayegh added.
